Total pages in book: 248
Estimated words: 236909 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1185(@200wpm)___ 948(@250wpm)___ 790(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 236909 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1185(@200wpm)___ 948(@250wpm)___ 790(@300wpm)
I wasn’t sure if he needed to apologize for that. If I were him, I would’ve assumed the same thing. But he had been wrong. Getting to Kolis hadn’t been the main reason, even though it should’ve been. “Thank you,” I murmured, returning my stare to the dark wall. “Does that mean you’re not going to try to leave me behind when he summons us?”
“I won’t. Not because it’s what I want, but because it’s what you want.”
I exhaled raggedly, wanting to thank him again but knowing that thanking him for this wouldn’t be appreciated.
Silence fell between us, and it went on for so long that I thought Nyktos had fallen asleep, but then he spoke again. “Why do you hold your breath so often?”
My eyes flew open. “What?”
“You hold your breath. Usually for a count, and then you exhale.”
“Gods, it’s really that noticeable?” I asked, thinking of when he’d seen me do it in the throne room while Holland and Penellaphe were there.
“Not really.”
I frowned at the darkness. “But you noticed.”
“Doesn’t mean others have.” Several beats of silence passed. “Why do you do it?”
I closed my eyes. “It’s just something that Holland taught me to do.”
He was quiet for a moment. “But why do you need to do it, Sera?”
“I don’t know.”
Nyktos didn’t speak after that. There was nothing but silence for a long time, and then it was I who spoke. “Are you worried about the summons? What will happen?”
“No,” he said, and it was a lie. The bed shifted again. His arm came over my waist, the heavy, cool weight was…pleasant. “Arm’s reach.”
I closed my eyes, trying to ignore how much I enjoyed the feel of his arm. It wasn’t until that moment that I realized I’d done something I’d never done in my entire life.
I’d left the dagger in my bedchamber.
I was in a…mood.
A morose mood as Holland would call it. It had been with me upon waking on what should’ve been my coronation day, but for the second time in my life, I’d woken on the day I was supposed to be married, only for those plans to change.
It was early, the sky still a deep shade of gray, but Nyktos had already left, and I hadn’t lingered in his bedchamber. I’d cleaned up with the fresh water someone had brought in and changed into the last gown I had, one cut quite similarly to the one I’d worn the day before but in all black. It was only after practically squeezing my breasts into the bodice and fastening the last of the buttons that I realized my clothing had finally been laundered and returned, placed in a neat stack on the bed. I sighed, having no plans of undressing.
Instead, I went to the chaise and plopped down. That’s where I stayed, my mind restless, even though my body was still. Too still.
The moods had seemed to come and go with the changes in the wind while in the mortal realm, often striking me in the night when I couldn’t sleep and had nothing to occupy my mind. Those were the nights that even the idea of occupying my body in one of the hedonistic dens littering the Luxe held no appeal.
Those were the nights I wondered if my father had been plagued by the moods. If they had played a role in his fall from the tower the night of my birth. If so, was that the only thing he’d left me, if such a thing could be passed down? I wasn’t sure. But if so, I would’ve preferred something a little less dark.
Had Sotoria felt the same? Experienced these moods? Was she—?
I stopped myself as my heart began tripping too fast, and the feeling of having no control rose swiftly. I couldn’t think about any of that, so I sat there, the day yawning before me, empty and irrelevant. Would tomorrow be the same? The day after next? There was no training to take part in. No food to take to the families affected by the Rot. No unexpected visits from Ezra or requests to aid the Ladies of Mercy. Just more waiting. No escaping from where my thoughts wanted to linger—a place that thrived on replaying all the worst moments.
The disappointments and failures.
The embarrassments and desperations.
Except now, there were new ones. The destiny that had never been true. My betrayal of Nyktos and the fact that none of us had questioned what we believed would end the Rot. It was hard to look back now and not feel as if I should’ve known that Nyktos wasn’t the cause. It was hard to sit here, warm and well-fed, while those in my kingdom starved and would soon face unimaginable hardship and death if Nyktos’s plan didn’t work.
And it was hard to sit with myself. With the knowledge that I dreaded the summons when I should look forward to it.