Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 130275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
* * *
The day went by quickly, and in all the hours we were outside, I never once let Savannah go. It made me cast my mind back to the ice rink in Oslo. And how I was paralyzed just seeing it. I couldn’t deny the way my feet had itched to put on a pair of skates. That had surprised me more than anything. I allowed myself a few moments to remember how that felt. The rush of adrenaline I would get as I first stepped onto the ice and sailed around the rink, pushing myself to such a fast speed it felt like I was hurtling through a hurricane.
And true to our deal, I fought to separate the memory from Cillian. Focused only on the ice and how it made me feel. How I’d lined up next to my teammates for the national anthem, how I’d sunk the puck into the net. The euphoria I had felt as I’d slipped on my pads and waited in the tunnel, ready for my name and number to be announced.
It was my heart.
It was my home.
Peace suffused my muscles, bones, and mind. Just imagining soaring around the ice, stick in hand. Being in this place, surrounded by the mountains, the water, and the whales, had given me permission to dream. To dream and remember that I’d once had something I loved so much I wanted to dedicate my entire life to it. I had loved it. I had loved playing hockey with Cillian too, but in this moment, I was able to make a distinction between the two.
Hockey had also been just mine.
Savannah turned in my arms and searched my face. “What are you thinking of?” she asked, curled into my chest. She could read me like I could read a game.
“Hockey,” I said and saw concern flash across her face. I shook my head. The others were too busy staring at the sights to notice us, so I pressed my forehead to hers. It was fast becoming my favorite place to be. “How much I loved it—maybe still love it. How it makes me … happy,” I said and shook my head with a self-deprecating laugh. “I don’t know.” I pointed to the surrealness around us. “This place … it’s making me think things I hadn’t let myself entertain. Bigger things. Things I thought were out of reach.”
“That makes me happy,” she said, and I could hear that she truly meant that.
I felt a sudden rush of emotion shoot up my throat, stealing my voice. My eyes stung and I felt my hands shake. Savannah noticed. She leaned up and said, “I’m proud of you.” My nose began to itch. I sniffed to chase it away, the vastness of the fjord blurring before me. She gave me a smile and I was just about undone. “I’d love to watch you play someday,” she said and obliterated me where I stood.
“Yeah?” I questioned, voice thick.
She nodded. I pulled her to me, burying my face in her long hair. The boat swayed, and I tried to push the thought of hockey aside, but I just couldn’t stop imagining Savannah watching me play. Her, in the stands, cheering me on. For months, I’d wanted to rid my mind of anything that could have reminded me of the past. But a spark had just been placed back in my soul. It wasn’t much. It wasn’t a plan to pick up my skates or to even entertain that I could somehow be the Cael from before. But there was a tiny spark that had ignited …
And I chose not to fight it.
Colored Skies and Frozen Kisses
Savannah,
You often ask me about my faith. How I just know in my soul that there is something bigger than us. Bigger than this world. And that there is a place that is filled with love and peace beyond this life. I am at peace with passing away. Because I will awake in heaven and be free from pain.
I know your heart lies with the stars. With space and science and the unexplained wonders that keep you mesmerized. Although we see things differently, they are both just as special and as meaningful. Please don’t ever lose this. Don’t lose yourself to grief and bitterness.
I challenge you to find magic within the world. Find wonder and hope and the beauty we have been awarded on this Earth. Lean into the everyday joys and cherish each moment with an open and pure heart. It will help pull you through the hard times.
Smile at the stars,
Poppy
* * *
Savannah
“Baby!” Mama greeted as the call connected.
“Hi, Mama,” I said and instantly felt the comfort of home wrap around me. “How are y’all?”
“We’re good, baby girl,” she said. “Your daddy’s here too. I’ll put you on loudspeaker.” She did, and Daddy’s voice immediately rang through.