Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 130275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
I smiled when Dylan did. “Turned out, he loved me too. We knew our families wouldn’t approve, so we kept it to ourselves. And we loved each other in secret. Made plans to leave our hometown when we were older so we could be together without shame.” Dylan met my eyes. “I was never ashamed of our love, Sav. He was the best person in the world and when he died, I cursed the universe for taking him from me before we even had a chance to love freely, openly. And I had to stand at his wake and listen to everyone telling me how good of a friend I was to him.” Dylan clenched his jaw. “I wanted to shut them all up and tell them he was my soulmate and that we loved one another so much that sometimes my heart ached when we were apart for only a few minutes.”
Dylan grew even more somber. I knew whatever he was about to say was going to break him in two. “One totally normal morning, he was knocked over by a car as he crossed a road. Drunk driver. He died later that day from his injuries in the hospital. I wasn’t allowed in the room because I wasn’t family.” His voice cracked. “But he was my family. He was my entire world, and I was his.”
His breath hitched as he choked back his tears. “When they told me he’d gone, I had to pretend that he hadn’t taken my entire heart with him. I had to tell people I missed my best friend, not my boyfriend. Although ‘boyfriend’ never seemed enough to describe what he was to me. He was my reason for breathing. And I’ve had to mourn him in silence ever since. In private. It’s excruciating.”
His tears fell then, exorcizing the secret grief that had been consuming him. Dylan turned to me. “You’re the first person I’ve ever told that to.”
“I’m honored,” I said, and this time I did wrap him in my arms. He fell willingly, just waiting for someone to catch him. I couldn’t imagine having to hide your grief in this way. How unfair life was sometimes, that Dylan and Jose had had to hide their love for fear of disapproval or worse. How he had to hide who Jose truly was to him when he wanted to scream it out loud.
“I’m so sorry, Dylan,” I said, and he nodded against my shoulder. The sound of the water from the water feature cocooned us.
Dylan reared back. He wiped his eyes. “When we were talking about honoring our lost loved ones tonight, I couldn’t participate. How could I? No one even knew about us. And I’m terrified to say it out loud.”
“You have now,” I said, and Dylan’s brow furrowed in confusion. “You’ve shared your truth with me. You’ve told someone that you loved him romantically. You’ve unburdened yourself from your secret. In turn, you’ve unburdened Jose too.”
A glint of relief flitted across Dylan’s handsome face. “I’m not ready to come out yet,” he said, sadness lacing every word. “My family … they won’t accept it. They won’t accept me. And right now, they’re all I have. I can’t lose them too.”
I thought about what Cael had told me about grief having no timeline. I hadn’t walked in Dylan’s shoes and could never understand the level of his struggle, but I thought the advice was perhaps relatable. “I don’t have any experience in this, Dylan, and I’m unsure if I even have anything worth saying. But I’m sure that when you come out, if you ever choose to come out, it will be on your own terms. Whenever you’re ready.” Dylan squeezed my hand, and I hoped to God I was saying the right thing. “If you never tell anyone outside of me who Jose was to you, I believe that is okay too. This is your journey, Dylan. Your life. You only owe it to yourself how you live it.”
“Thank you,” he said and stared back at the water feature. His face crumbled like he was in physical pain. “I miss him, Sav. I miss him so much that some days I’m not sure I’ll be able to survive it.”
I hugged his arm to me, holding him close. “My sister Poppy,” I said and steadied my nerves. “She had a childhood sweetheart when she passed. His name is Rune. They were like you and Jose, best friends turned boyfriend and girlfriend.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “When Poppy died, Rune was completely broken.”
“What’s he like now?” Dylan asked.
I thought of Rune visiting her grave, the tears he shed. How he would talk to my sister like she was sitting right there beside him. I thought of all the pictures he pinned on her grave, of places he’d seen, adventures they should have been on together, but now he would travel alone. In her honor, I realized. He was living for them both. Sharing his experiences with the girl he loved most through his treasured photographs. Photographs she adored too.