Total pages in book: 110
Estimated words: 106798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
I shrug as if I don’t know.
No. All I have to tell Aaron is no. I don’t have feelings for her beyond friendship. Then I should call my attorney and make a clean break. No more questions asked. As these thoughts play in my mind, it leaves a pregnant pause in the conversation, which answers Aaron’s question before I utter a single word.
“Jesus …” He shakes his head. “You do have feelings for her.”
“It’s complicated … or it was complicated. I don’t think it’s all that complicated anymore.”
“Dude … no.” Aaron slaps his menu down on top of mine. “There’s nothing complicated about my question. Either she thinks she’s your fake wife getting free health insurance, or she knows your feelings for her aren’t fake like the marriage.”
Rubbing my fingers over my lips, I nod several times. “She knows she is … or was … more than a fake wife.”
“When? How?”
I glance away from him and mumble, “I had sex with her in Malaysia.” He only needs a small percentage of the truth to get the gist.
Truth … I’m not sure I know the truth at this point.
“What?” He leans forward, turning his head to bring his ear closer to me. “You ransacked her metaplasia?”
“No.” I can’t help but grin as I shake my head and clear my throat. “I had sex with her in Malaysia.”
Aaron presses his lips together to hide his smirk. “You had sex with the maid?”
I wince and trace my finger along the beer glass, smearing the condensation. “Technically, I had sex with my wife.”
“And how do you think Suzanne would feel about it?”
Grunting, I shake my head. “Well, I think if she were here to think anything about it, there would be nothing to think about because I’d still be married to her. I wouldn’t be married to Emersyn or even thinking about her in any sort of romantic way. So really, that’s a stupid question, and you know it.”
“Do you love her?”
I let his question hang in the air between us, echoing in my head, and sinking into that place deep in my chest—the place that knows the answer is a big, fat yes.
“I never planned on falling in love with Emersyn. When I fell in love with Suzanne, it felt fated, intentional. Tara died. Suzanne grieved. Our friendship grew. And one day it felt right to move beyond friends. With Emersyn, it happened before I even realized what was happening. Suzanne’s dying wish was for me to make a difference in the life of someone else. I now think that request had less to do with someone else and more to do with me. I think she knew it would force me to dig my heart out of my dead chest and allow it to beat again.”
“Fuck …” Aaron grins and shakes his head. “You love her. That’s …”
“The end,” I say, tossing him a sad smile. “It’s the end. I’m going to end the marriage. It’s served its purpose. I’m going to let her find her life. Nobody stopped me from finding mine. And her feelings for me stem from not having a father in her life, never having a truly kind man in her life. She fell in love with the idea of me. I think she fell in love with Suzanne’s husband. And one day, she’ll wake up and realize she fell for the first guy who treated her well, not necessarily the right guy.”
After a few slow, thoughtful nods, Aaron takes a sip of his water and then blows out a slow breath. “What if you’re wrong? What if it’s not the mere idea of you? What if it’s actually you?”
“It’s not. She asked for the divorce months ago.”
As the waitress approaches us, Aaron gives me a slight smile and shrugs. “Then you divorce her. End of story.”
“End of story …” I echo.
“Bro …” Aaron runs his hands through his hair and laughs. “What are you doing? Seriously. If you love her, go get her.”
“I …” I shake my head. “I don’t want to go get her. That’s just it. I’m here. I have a job. I have my life. She’s nurturing her passion and chasing her dreams. And I love that about her. I won’t take it away. I won’t even ask her to choose me. It’s not even a choice. This is her life. Suzanne spent an entire summer living vicariously through Emersyn. She … we … became invested in Emersyn’s life. So even if I let my brain imagine a world where Suzanne wanted me with Emersyn, it’s no longer relevant. I’m not living my life for Suzanne. I’m living it for me, and my conscience won’t let me clip Emersyn’s wings. That’s not love.”
The anguish on Aaron’s face is a reflection of my own. He takes a long pause to stare out the window before returning his attention to me. Leaning forward, he holds out his hands. “Come here.”