Total pages in book: 131
Estimated words: 130255 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130255 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
I rubbed my hand down my face as I kicked off my boots. Avoiding Ellie wasn’t the answer, of course, but I was uncomfortable with how I was feeling. The last time I’d had any emotions that vaguely resembled this was when I was nineteen and had my first—and only—girlfriend.
I just didn’t remember the inability to get someone else out of my head.
Ellie was just… there. All the time. In my fucking mind. Every time I closed my eyes, I relived the moment of idiocy where I’d kissed her. I couldn’t decide if she’d softened or leant into me at all, if she’d reciprocated in any way.
And I hadn’t hung around long enough to find out.
Instead of addressing what I’d done, I’d run away like a coward.
Like the coward I knew I was.
It’d been ten years since I’d ended the only relationship I’d ever had, and I wasn’t even sure I’d felt this way about that girl back then. Ellie annoyed me and intrigued me in equal parts and staying away from her seemed completely futile.
Completely impossible, actually.
Granted, offering to inspire her novel hadn’t been my smartest move, but that had fallen to the wayside. It wasn’t an offer I was going to repeat, and I knew deep down that she wouldn’t accept it anyway.
I’d wager she was getting enough inspiration every time one of us opened our mouths.
I was going to have to suck it up and speak to her later. I had no idea what I was going to say. Apologise, maybe? That seemed like the best place to start. It wasn’t like I’d asked her if she was all right with me doing it.
Shit.
I had double the apology.
One for kissing her and one for not checking if she even wanted me to.
I rubbed my hand down my face again and headed for the kitchen. I needed a cup of tea. My head was all over the place, and it wasn’t as if the goats had behaved at all this morning.
Winston was the only one who had, funnily enough.
“She’s cute,” I heard Fred say from inside the kitchen.
Grandma scoffed. “Back off. She’s my future granddaughter-in-law.”
Shoot. They were talking about Ellie.
I knew he’d run past the lodge this morning.
“Have you asked Max what he thinks about that?” Fred laughed.
“Yes, have we asked Max?” I drawled, walking in.
Grandma peered at me over the rim of her glasses, sipping her tea. “Did you feed the goats?”
I wasn’t going to push it. I didn’t feel like that argument this morning. “I did. They’re all out in the fields, too.”
“Good. I think I’ll go and check on Matrix.” She got up with her cup of tea and shuffled past me, humming an Ed Sheeran song and bobbing her head as she went to check on her duck who had a particularly persistent upper respiratory infection.
Fred chuckled. “She’s a hoot on a morning.”
“She’s something,” I muttered, walking over to the teapot. “Is there any left in there?”
He nodded.
“Thanks.” I got a mug out of the cupboard and poured. “So you saw Ellie this morning, huh?”
“How do you know that?”
“There’s nobody else on the estate that could be described as ‘cute.’”
Fred’s lips twitched up. “Mhmm. Ran past the lodge and she was sitting outside. I thought I’d introduce myself.”
I nodded slowly. “And that was purely coincidence.”
“No. I’m nosy. I wanted to know who has you tied up in knots.”
“I’m not tied up in knots.”
“Mm. If you say so.”
I eyed him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He sipped his tea. “You kissed her.”
Shit.
“She told you about that?”
“Not really.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“I said it as a joke, and she froze. She got this little deer-in-headlights look on her face. Bit like yours now, actually.”
I shook my head and turned away from him. “It was a mistake.”
“Max. You’re allowed to like this woman.”
“I’m not talking about this, Fred.”
“What’s your problem? She’s gorgeous, she’s funny, and you’re spending a lot of time with her. You clearly like her—”
“I said I’m not talking about it,” I ground out, heading for the door.
He sighed. “You’re not your father.”
I stopped mid-step and reached out for the doorframe to steady myself. “I said—”
“I know. You’re not talking about it,” he said from behind me. “But, mate… You can’t close yourself off just because he made some bad decisions.”
“He didn’t make bad decisions.” I turned around to face my best friend. “He was a murderer. Mum didn’t deserve what he did.”
“No, she didn’t. But you’re not him. You’re nothing like him.” Fred smiled sadly. “You know if your mum were here, she’d tell you to keep an open mind. That’s what she told us about everything when we were kids.”
I sighed and looked down. “It’s not that simple.”
“It never is. It’s not easy to open yourself up to another person when you know you could get hurt. Look what Charlotte did to me. It wasn’t easy making the decision to break up with her, but I knew that couldn’t continue. I knew I couldn’t continue to allow her to disrespect my family and my friends the way she was. You were the one who opened my eyes to that.”