Total pages in book: 362
Estimated words: 347293 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1736(@200wpm)___ 1389(@250wpm)___ 1158(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 347293 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1736(@200wpm)___ 1389(@250wpm)___ 1158(@300wpm)
“I get that. I’m just…” Words I shouldn’t speak bubbled up. “I never desired to be a Queen or to rule anything or anyone.” I sat up then, pulling my knees to my chest. Ash followed suit as I said, “I never wanted that kind of power, and I still don’t. But I understand this cannot be changed. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to be a Queen, let alone the Primal of Life.”
Extending an arm, he brushed his fingers over the curve of my cheek. A faint charge of energy followed the contact. “Just be yourself.”
I barked out a short laugh. “Really? Do you think that’s good advice? Because being myself usually ends with me punching someone when they irritate me, and that doesn’t sound like queenly behavior.”
His lips twitched. “Depending on how irritating they are, I’m not sure I’d have a problem with that. But that’s not all you are.”
“Ah, yes. When I don’t want to punch someone, I’m panicking and thinking I can’t breathe,” I said as he tucked a few strands of hair behind my ear. “And yes, I know I’m saying this stuff because I’m anxious. But knowing that doesn’t mean I can stop myself from thinking it.” I huffed out an aggravated breath. “You’d think Ascending into the true Primal of Life would mean I wouldn’t have to deal with out-of-control anxiety anymore.”
“This anxiety?” he said. “I told you before that Lathan experienced something similar.”
My heart ached at the mention of the friend who’d been killed while watching over me in the mortal realm. Lathan used to experience the feeling of not being able to breathe before falling asleep as a child, leading him to believe it was the sekya. Obviously, that wasn’t the case. It had been all the things that lingered in the back of his mind, catching up to him when his thoughts were finally quiet—something I had firsthand experience with. The godling hadn’t grown out of it. He had simply learned to manage it. How? I wished I knew because not even my new ability of foresight spewed out the answer.
“It didn’t make him weak or somehow less than,” Ash continued. “As I told you before, he was as strong and recklessly brave as you are. The anxiety he had was just a part of him. Like it’s only another part of you.”
“There sure are a lot of parts to me,” I mumbled.
“But the rest of who you are?” he continued, skipping over my comment. “The rest of you is brave and strong. Clever, loyal, and far kinder than you give yourself credit for. You were more than worthy of being a Consort to the Shadowlands, and you are more than worthy of being the true Primal of Life and the Queen of the Gods.”
Giving his words time to sink in, I hoped they stuck. “Thank you.”
“You don’t need to thank me for speaking the truth,” he said, slipping his fingers through the strands of my hair. “Nor should you ever feel like something is wrong with you—especially when it comes to this. Anyone would be nervous.”
“Would you?”
“Yes.”
The corners of my lips compressed as I shot him a sideways look.
“I would be, Sera. It’s a lot of responsibility to carry.” His fingers sifted through my hair some more. “It’s a lot of power.”
It was a lot of power. And authority that could be wielded in the worst ways. Kolis was proof of that. Still, anyone could fall prey to misuse. Common sense told me that my temperament would likely make me more vulnerable to such.
But it wasn’t merely an abuse of power where things could go wrong. It was also the failure to use that authority and know when and how. Would my intuition kick in and guide me? Or would that also be something I had to figure out? I didn’t know, and it all sort of terrified me.
“What are you thinking?” Ash asked quietly, curling strands of my hair around a finger.
“I…I don’t know.” My eyes closed. That was a lie. “I just don’t want to disappoint anyone.”
“You won’t,” he stated without a second of hesitation.
“I feel like you have to say that.”
His forehead creased. “No, I don’t.”
“You’re my husband,” I pointed out. “So, yes, you do.”
“I want to be supportive because I’m your husband. Not because I have to,” he corrected, and I thought I melted a little right there. “And while I don’t know much about relationships, I think I know enough to recognize that lying to you isn’t being supportive.”
I didn’t know much about relationships either, but I thought he was right.
“I know they will not be disappointed in you, Sera.” He tugged gently on the strand of hair he toyed with. “Ask me how I know.”
“How do you know?”
“You have these knee-jerk reactions when it comes to your well-being,” he said. “Reacting first and thinking about all the possible consequences afterward.”