Total pages in book: 362
Estimated words: 347293 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1736(@200wpm)___ 1389(@250wpm)___ 1158(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 347293 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1736(@200wpm)___ 1389(@250wpm)___ 1158(@300wpm)
The temperature plummeted. I could see my breath. A thin layer of ice spread from Ash’s knees and crept across the balcony floor. My gaze flew to his.
There were no pupils visible in his eyes.
“Ash,” I whispered.
“I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not.”
His neck twisted to the side. “I still look like me, don’t I?”
I nodded.
“Then I’m okay.” The eather retreated a bit from his eyes. “Please. Please, keep talking.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“It is. I need you to.” His shoulders rolled. “You need to.”
“I don’t want this stuff in your head, Ash. You already have enough.”
“It’s been in my head, Sera,” he said hoarsely, his features stark. “It’s in my head every night you scream. It’s there when I feel you lock up against me. When I can tell you’re fighting not to pull away from me. It’s already there.”
Pain lanced my chest. “I don’t want that.”
“I know.” He took a breath, and the ice began to melt. “Tell me how Rhain ended up freed.”
My heart stuttered. “You don’t know?”
“I don’t know what I know. Or what I don’t.”
I glanced down at his hands. The knuckles were bleached white. “Kolis was going to have Rhain killed, and I…I couldn’t allow that. I told him that it would only worsen tensions if he killed Rhain. That is true.”
“But that wasn’t the only thing.”
“No.” I focused on the golden imprint on my hand. “I told him I would do anything. That I was willing to make a deal.” I looked up at Ash. “What I’m about to tell you is the truth. I’m not omitting anything. I’m being completely honest, and I need you to believe that.”
His eyes searched mine. “I’ll believe you.”
I took a breath and counted to five. “He agreed to free Rhain if I allowed him to sleep with me—”
Ash’s eyes flashed pure silver.
“All he meant was sleeping next to me,” I quickly added. “That was all. He wanted to…” My lip curled. “Hold me while he slept.”
“Did you think that was what he meant?” he asked after several tense moments.
“No,” I whispered, feeling daggers in my gut. “All I could think about was saving Rhain. I panicked, and I agreed. I’m sorry—”
“Fates, do not apologize.” He sank back on his haunches. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
“But—”
“No,” he snarled, shadows appearing and then disappearing beneath his skin. “Even if he wanted more and you agreed to it, you would have done so under duress. That’s not true consent. Ask me how I know.”
“I don’t need to ask,” I said. “I know how you know.”
“Then do not waste a fucking second on guilt.”
My chest rose deeply. “I…I won’t. You’re right.”
He twisted his neck again. “Is that the only time he wanted to sleep beside you?”
I shook my head.
Ash took a breath. I wasn’t sure if he took another after that.
“He has remained celibate since Sotoria.” I watched his chest, looking for movement. “How incredibly creepy is that?”
The chest rose then. “I don’t even know what to say.”
I nodded.
“There’s more,” he said quietly.
I nodded again, my mind returning to when I first woke up in Dalos. “You…you know he fed from me the first time. That time it hurt. It was so painful, and I was relieved.” I closed my eyes. “When he did it again, it was…it was after Ione told him I was Sotoria. He didn’t make it hurt for long.”
“But he did at first?”
“He was mad. I asked about freeing you, and he was so angry that I brought up your name while he…held me,” I said, anger rising. “That’s when he bit me again. But then he was…gentle because he thought I was Sotoria.” Revulsion churned through me. Telling Aios this part hadn’t been easy, but every word took so much damn effort now. “And that was worse. It didn’t feel bad, and I hated that. I fucking hated it.”
“It’s not your fault, Sera. Even if you felt pleasure, it’s not something you can control,” he said quietly. “I couldn’t control it when Veses fed from me.”
“I know,” I whispered for what felt like the hundredth time. I could feel his hands shaking on the daybed beside me. “I do know. But sometimes, I can…I can feel him behind me. Moving,” I spat, my stomach churning. “I can feel him against me, and I’m suddenly back there, unable to stop him. Unable to do anything but let it happen. Wait it out as he finds pleasure and…”
“And what?” Ash asked—or begged.
My throat burned. “He…he touched me. It wasn’t the first time. He used compulsion against me in the beginning, right after I stabbed him. He’d had enough of my mouth and antics, and when he returned me to Dalos, he touched me like he was unfamiliar with a woman’s body or something.” Words rushed out of me then like a flood overflowing the banks of a river. “But he didn’t go too far, not like he did when he fed from me. Then, he put his hands on me, inside me—” I smacked my hands over my face, choking on what spilled out of me. And it wasn’t just what Kolis had done that tore itself from me now. It was how Tavius had tried to put his hands on me. How he’d pinned me to my bed that fateful morning Ash finally came for me. I spat out the knowledge that if I had remained in Wayfair Castle a day longer, Tavius would’ve likely followed through on his threats.