Total pages in book: 62
Estimated words: 57064 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 285(@200wpm)___ 228(@250wpm)___ 190(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 57064 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 285(@200wpm)___ 228(@250wpm)___ 190(@300wpm)
I’m taken back to a time before I knew who I was. A time where I trusted him with everything in me. A time when I was only his and nothing more.
And then he left. And I was simply nothing.
I survived, though. This version that survived isn’t anything like what I thought I would be. I could have borne waking up alone for the rest of my life if I had never seen him again. But to see him, to feel him, to have him, and then wake up alone?
With a deep breath, I fix my skirt and walk into my office as if this is just any other day, as if emotions aren’t riding high and the threat of falling apart isn’t overwhelming me.
Time passes, and I accomplish very little, memories coming and going along with doubt and hope in equal measure.
But, I think as I sip my morning coffee in my office, the note is reassuring. I know, after what happened years ago, he doesn’t owe me an explanation. But after last night, I need one. I desperately need to know every detail of what happened after he left.
“You alright, Madam Lynn?” Holden asks from seemingly out of nowhere. He startles me, and I jerk my head up, realizing that I’ve been staring into my desk drawer at my very special photo. Quickly, I shut the drawer and turn my attention to business. It bangs closed a little too loudly.
“Of course, Holden,” I reply, picking up my now lukewarm coffee and taking a sip. “Just fine.”
“You sure?” Holden asks, giving me a wary look as he fiddles with his tablet. “You had me a little worried with the text last night. And you didn’t answer me this morning. I was about two minutes from rushing over to your place and kicking in the door just in case.”
I smile softly and shake my head. Holden’s a sweet young man, and very protective. “You worry about me, Holden?”
He holds his hands up, grinning. “Hey now, I’m no white knight. And I know you could take care of yourself if you needed to . . . but I want to make sure you’re okay,” Holden said before clearing his throat. “You know, being my boss and all.”
His little defensive caveat at the end really touches me, and how this kind young man came into my life is something I’ll never quite understand but will always appreciate. “Thank you, Holden. And yes, I’m fine.”
I’d like to say I’m good, but I’m not sure I'm there just yet. I can’t say I’m good until I know what’s going to happen with Gabriel and I know the full story of how he could possibly come back. When he left me, I thought it was forever and that he’d never be able to stop running.
And there’s almost no chance for things to go back to normal. I’m not the naïve girl from years ago, the girl who started down an unknown path with nothing more than a desire to explore herself and a ton of debt to pay off.
There’s too much in my life now to get lost in the touch of a man who could easily disappear from my life overnight again.
Losing him once was difficult. Losing him twice . . . I don’t know how I could live.
I can’t let myself fall. I can’t allow him to ruin what I’ve made of myself after I had to pick up the pieces alone. I know why it had to happen, but just the fact that it did . . . I thought that meant he was gone forever.
“You sure?” Holden asks again, bringing me back to the present.
“I’m just a little lost in thought right now,” I explain. “Uhm, after this, can you have someone make sure the red rooms are up to club standard? I saw the other night that one of the edges was a little jagged.”
“Of course,” he answers, and as he does, that night years ago comes back like I knew it would.
I spent years with the night terrors reliving that moment. And staring at Holden, different eyes stare back at me, vacant and unmoving.
The blood haunts me to this day.
The body on the floor.
The look in Gabriel’s eyes as he looked at me.
The thought makes me shiver, and Holden looks concerned. “I’ll stone all the edges myself if you’d like.”
“I’d appreciate it,” I answer, and I have to clear my throat. It’s far too tight, and the emotion is obvious in it.
“I’ll take them all up to ten thousand grit stone level,” Holden says. “Shouldn’t be a problem.”
“Good.” I can barely answer anything at all as I try to forget it all over again. I shouldn’t have come in today. Gabriel shouldn’t have left me alone, a voice whispers at the back of my mind.