Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 86878 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 434(@200wpm)___ 348(@250wpm)___ 290(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86878 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 434(@200wpm)___ 348(@250wpm)___ 290(@300wpm)
“It didn’t matter that I wasn’t even twenty or that Nathan was in his forties, someone I’d looked up to and worshipped for years. It didn’t matter that he’d been grooming me long before our relationship became physical. The world saw me as complicit. As willing.” I shake my head as a wave of confusion crashes over me, and I squeeze my eyes tightly shut, wanting to block out the memories. The guilt. “I don’t know, maybe I was.”
His knuckles are white where his fingers are clenched around mine. “No, you weren’t. You were just a kid. Impressionable. Innocent. He took advantage of you. Of your feelings.”
I shrug as misery continues to eat at me.
“Your parents didn’t know? They didn’t suspect anything?”
With a shake of my head, I bite my lip. “No. By that time, he was like family. More often than not, he spent the holidays with us. They trusted him.”
His gaze burns into me, but he doesn’t speak. It’s like he’s waiting, giving me the space I need to finish.
“That wasn’t even the worst part of it all. After our relationship was exposed, I found out that I wasn’t the only girl he’d done this to. He’d had relationships with other skaters—girls like me, girls who were younger, who were vulnerable and eager to please. I’d thought he loved me. I hadn’t realized I was just another name on a list, another body in a long line of broken girls he’d left behind.”
The shame of it still clings to me, suffocating and heavy. No matter how far I’ve tried to run, it’s always there, like a shadow that won’t disappear. It’s the reason why I’ve kept everyone at arm’s length since then. Why I haven’t let anyone get too close.
Because trusting someone, letting them in, is dangerous.
Hayes’s reaction is immediate. His grip tightens as his eyes darken with unspent fury. “Fuck, Ava. I’m so sorry you went through all that.”
The raw emotion in his voice takes me by surprise, and for the first time, I feel tears burn at the back of my eyes. It takes effort to blink them away and swallow hard, wanting to keep it all contained. “It came out after one of the other girls saw us and reported it. There was an investigation, and everything fell apart. My parents were devastated. And I... I felt so stupid. Gullible. Used.”
I look away, embarrassed now that I’ve laid it all out in front of him. The ugly truth, the baggage I’ve carried with me for so long. “That’s why I stopped competing. After that, I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t hold my head up. I hated that everyone knew what happened and were judging me. The snide comments and whispers.”
For a long moment, Hayes remains silent. His hand rises to cup my cheek as his thumb brushes away a tear I didn’t realize had fallen. “None of that was your fault. Do you hear me? He took advantage of you. Of your age and his position of power.”
Even though I nod, the words don’t sink in.
How could they?
I went along with it all. I was happy to hide our relationship from everyone, including my parents. I lied for him.
It still sickens me.
“Wait a minute… Is he the one trying to contact you?” Hayes asks, his voice tight with barely restrained anger.
“Yeah. He sends messages from different numbers. I’ve blocked them all, even changed my number a few times, but he always finds a way.”
“Jesus Christ.” Hayes’s jaw flexes, his anger palpable. “Does Coach know?”
“No,” I say quickly. “And I don’t want him to. He’d lose it. That’s why we moved here—to get away from all of it, to start over. I don’t want to drag my family back into that nightmare again.”
His expression softens as he pulls me into his arms, holding me tight against his chest. For a second, I freeze, the instinct to pull away, to protect myself, kicking into high gear. But then I force myself to relax and let him hold me, allowing myself to feel the comfort of his strength.
For the first time in what feels like forever, I don’t feel so alone, so isolated.
I pull back slightly, just enough to meet his gaze. Our faces are so close, his breath warm against my skin. My heartbeat picks up tempo, and for a moment, I think he’ll brush his lips across mine. It’s a shock to realize that for the first time in more than a year, I want someone to kiss me.
But just as quickly, he pulls away, his expression unreadable. “It’s getting late. We should probably get moving.”
The disappointment that crashes over me is unnerving, but I remain silent. Instead, I follow him out of the arena, my heart pounding a steady tattoo as confusion floods me.
Despite everything, I wanted Hayes to kiss me.