Series: Willow Winters
Total pages in book: 56
Estimated words: 51151 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 256(@200wpm)___ 205(@250wpm)___ 171(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 51151 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 256(@200wpm)___ 205(@250wpm)___ 171(@300wpm)
“Are you sure you’re all right?” I hear Jude’s strong voice and simply nod in response. I walk forward with my eyes mostly closed. I just need a shower and a nap. That’s all. Then I’ll feel better.
“I know there’s a lot you need, but anything at this moment? Is there anything I can do?”
It’s shocking to hear his softly worded question. There’s a tension between us as I stare up into his gaze and I gently shake my head.
I nearly weep as he leads me into the room. His bathroom is larger than my pathetic hut back at camp. The walls and floor are made of large rectangular slats of white marble with gray streaks. There’s a large, egg-shaped bath in the center of the room and the entire back wall is a walk-in shower with three shower heads, one in the ceiling and the two on either side of the stall. A large pane of glass makes up the door. It’s gorgeous and so clean it’s nearly sterile. The sight makes me feel so out of place. It emphasizes my insignificance and filth.
If this is all a trick, it’s cruel.
“I don’t feel comfortable leaving you.” Jude’s voice sounds odd. He sounds unsure for the first time. I turn to face him with my arms wrapped around my body. I swallow before looking into his eyes. He’s asking me for permission, sort of. At least it seems as though his eyes are asking for my permission for him to stay. I nod my head slightly.
“Could you just stay outside the door?” He’s made it clear that he intends to keep me, though I’m not quite sure why yet or what he plans to do with me, but I can only imagine one reason.
“I’d rather not. You don’t seem stable.” His voice is soft and low, nearly apologetic. “I could stare at the wall, if you’d rather. But I’d like to see you and make sure you’re well.”
His cadence and carefully chosen words leave me at his mercy.
I nod and slowly start to peel off the dirty clothes from my body. My fingers drift over my bare, swollen stomach. I can feel the little indents from the stretch marks on the lower half of my belly. I haven’t thought much of them since they appeared. It’s not as though anyone was going to see them. I look down and see that I now have several marks along the outside of my breasts also. They’ve swollen recently, but I hadn’t realized they’d give me stretch marks as well. I put my insecurities behind me and drop the clothes in a dirty pile on the clean, white floor and walk forward with purpose. I keep my head down and avoid eye contact with Jude. I can hear him walking behind me, but he’s at least giving me some distance.
I have to uncross my arms to open the door to the shower, but I hesitate. I don’t like him watching me. It feels so wrong. If he senses my uneasiness, he doesn’t show it. His large frame closes in on me as I step into the shower. I turn to stare at him; he’s fully clothed, yet he doesn’t stop outside of the stall. He reaches past me, making me take a small step back closer to the tiled wall as my hands grip my shoulders, allowing my forearms to cover my breasts. I watch as he turns the dials for the shower head and a spray of water comes down behind me, just missing my body. I back against the other side of the stall while he gauges the temperature of the water. I don’t need him to do this, and the act itself is filling my head with more and more questions. I wish he would just leave me be, but I’m in no position to ask for anything. I should be grateful and ensure he has no reason to be upset with me.
After another short moment, I get my wish.
“I’ll wait outside. I’ll be listening though, so if you need anything, don’t hesitate.”
I don’t reach his eyes even though I can feel his gaze on me. I only nod and whisper, “Thank you.”
Perhaps it’s the pain, perhaps it’s gratitude…maybe it’s the fear. I don’t know why I don’t feel more violated. It could be the sheer exhaustion.
As I hear the door close, my entire body feels heavier and sags. My legs are weak as I walk slowly into the spray of hot water and rest my forehead against the cold wall. I try to relax my shoulders under the spray, but my body seems to ache more and more as the time passes. The warmth is welcoming, but it’s not enough to settle this uneasiness running through me. I stay there, under the spray, for a long time, just wishing the pain would go away. All of the pain.