Total pages in book: 99
Estimated words: 93002 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 465(@200wpm)___ 372(@250wpm)___ 310(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 93002 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 465(@200wpm)___ 372(@250wpm)___ 310(@300wpm)
His words were cracking something open inside me, breaking the carefully constructed wall I’d put up around the idea of Forrest. I couldn’t argue with what Hawk was saying. I was at the top of the list of people who weren’t perfect.
“The only question here is, do you love him?”
I took a slow breath and let it out in a huff. “I don’t want to love him,” I admitted.
His mouth quirked into a half smile. “Maybe not,” he said softly. “Love isn’t a choice… But at the same time, it is.”
I couldn’t help laughing. “Oh my God. Seriously, are you turning into Mountain Sage Guy with the wise advice? I don’t even know what that means.”
“Maybe that would be your sister’s influence,” he said with a flash of a smile. “But what I mean is we don’t always choose who we love, but we can choose what we do about it. If you don’t love him, that’s one thing. You don’t owe him a goddamn thing, especially after the way he lied. So, if you don’t love him, fuck him.”
I thought to myself, I did but didn’t say it out loud. There was only so much Hawk needed to know.
“But if you do love him,” he continued, “you might want to consider whether he’s paid for what he did. Whether he deserves a second chance.” He shifted, shoving his hands in his pockets. He rolled his shoulders back and met my eyes. “This is me paying it forward because I have a lot of fuckups under my belt, way more than your man, and I thought I didn’t deserve anything good out of life. Your sister helped me understand that I can’t undo the past. I can only make better choices going forward.” Hawk crossed his arms over his chest. “I look at your man in there, and I see someone I understand. He fucked up good, no excuses. But he hasn’t made any. He’s only said he’s sorry and waited. And I think you still love him. I can’t see inside your head, but I know you pretty well, Sterling. I have to wonder, why aren’t you back together with him?”
It was my turn to shift awkwardly, crossing my arms over my chest and then shoving them in my pockets in a mirror of Hawk’s stance. “Because I’m scared, all right?” I confessed. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Follow your gut,” Hawk advised.
“My gut is terrified,” I spat out, hating to admit being scared, but it was true. “And my gut doesn’t know what it wants. I can’t go through that again.”
Hawk nodded sagely. “I get that. It’s okay to be scared, but you’re braver than you know. You’re brave enough to reach for what you want. So why not him?”
“That’s a bunch of bullshit,” I retorted. “I’m not brave.”
“The hell you aren’t,” he countered. “What’s with all those coding classes you’re acing? Just for fun? Or are you reinventing yourself?”
I stared at Hawk, completely taken aback. “How did you know?” I demanded. “Are you spying on me? Dude, that’s creepy.”
Hawk laughed. “Not spying on you,” he assured me. “I’d apologize for the invasion of privacy, but I didn’t have a choice. Remember the night the security system went crazy?”
Who could forget? Alarms had been going off right and left as if an army had descended on Heartstone Manor. But every time they checked, no one had been out there. And then I understood. “You had to comb through everything going in and out of the servers to track down the problem?”
Hawk nodded in confirmation.
“And you saw all the traffic to and from the coding classes?”
“Yeah,” he said with a grin. “I swear I wasn’t spying on you, but then I saw what you were up to, and I spied a little. You’re really good. It’s not my area. I know enough to get by, but you’re speeding through the program. I’m assuming you’re planning to do something with it.”
“I’d like to,” I admitted. “It feels right. It makes sense. I feel…powerful. I can do things, you know, not just throw a party or put together a cute outfit. I can make things happen, things other people don’t know how to do.”
That sunshine grin flashed across Hawk’s face again. “That’s what I mean. You’re brave, Sterling. I’m not telling you to get back together with Powell; I’m just saying you deserve to be happy. I think he probably deserves it, too. Trust yourself. If he fucks up, your family will be here for you. Always.”
I shook my head, not sure I agreed with Hawk about any of it. I didn’t feel brave. And while I was probably still in love with Forrest, I wasn’t sure I trusted either of us enough to do anything about it. “I’ll think about it.”