Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 72496 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 362(@200wpm)___ 290(@250wpm)___ 242(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 72496 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 362(@200wpm)___ 290(@250wpm)___ 242(@300wpm)
“And if I would have begged you to save me from drowning in the darkness, what then?”
I turned to face him. “Maybe I would have told you I’d drown right with you, the only way to the other side is through the darkness—only then can you find the light, you know?”
“Found it.” He kissed me, his hands tangled in my hair. “I found my light. I’m just terrified I’ll be the same one to both find and extinguish it.”
“Is it bad?” I asked again.
He pulled away. “It’s not good.”
“And Junior?”
“Next question.”
“Are we going to die?”
“I hope not. But this person is… elusive, and they have a lot of power, control, it’s like they’ve waited for years, we’re drawing them out, but until then, we wait.”
“So, suspect everyone.”
“Basically.”
“Live like there’s no tomorrow.”
“Absolutely.”
“Love me.”
“What?” Ivan jerked back. “What did you just say?”
“Love me then.” I couldn’t believe I was saying those words. “I mean, if we die tomorrow, you’d regret it anyway.”
He sat up; the covers fell to his waist; the moonlight did all the favors to his gorgeous muscular body. He ran a hand through his thick hair. “No, I don’t think that’s the best—”
“I’m a virgin.”
“Shit.” He hung his head in his hands. “I’m going to go sleep on the couch, not because I don’t want to be here in this general space.” He made a grand motion with his hand across the bed. Adorable. “I just don’t think this is the right path for us to take since all paths apparently lead toward death and one day you’ll find someone that’s going to love you the way you deserve. I can hold you, but I won’t take things from you, I was honest about that promise and—”
I jerked up. “What?”
“What what?” He sighed. “I’m just saying I’m not going to—”
I slapped him across the face.
He lunged for me and slammed me down against the mattress. “The hell Bella!’
“You’re leaving?”
A hot tear slid down my cheek, it burned as it fell off my chin onto my chest.
He squeezed his eyes shut. “Please don’t ask me anymore.”
“Do you expect to live?” I asked anyway. “Do you expect to live to see my next birthday?”
He was quiet.
“You promised.” I reminded him.
He pulled away from me. “Get some sleep.”
“Ivan!”
He stopped at the door and hung his head. “No, Bella. I don’t have that high of expectations. And I refuse to wish for more than what I’ve been given, so maybe let me hold you next time, give me at least that.”
The door shut quietly behind him.
I burst into tears over the man I hated.
I cried over the man… I was coming to love.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
“You never go to bed thinking you’ll wake up and it will be better because oftentimes, it’s so much worse than you could possibly imagine.” —King Campisi
Ivan
Most nights ended up that way, with us talking but avoiding the questions we both knew I couldn’t answer.
For the next week, at least, I had the great privilege of holding her and memorizing the sound of a voice I used to hate, only to come to the conclusion it would be the last thing I heard when I left this earth. A gift.
I held her.
She actually let me.
And things became almost unspoken, she never asked me a question she knew I wouldn’t answer, and I only answered in truth and told her when I couldn’t.
I’d like to say that my insane spending was pulling people out of the woodwork, that we knew more now that the whole tattoo thing came up, but the only lead we had on the tattoo was from years ago when the De Langes were working with the Russians.
Which only brought in more bosses, more Families, more drama, and more intense family dinners.
Exhibit A.
“Stop!” Andrei yelled at his daughter. “He’s your husband!”
Santino blinked over at Andrei. “Cheers.”
“I’m sorry. She can’t help it. She clearly has my temper.” Andrei agreed.
Phoenix sighed and poured more wine. “Like father like daughter.”
“I think that was an insult?” I offered.
All eyes fell on me.
I needed an escape.
I didn’t want to do this anymore, to hide in plain sight.
Knowing what I knew.
Sitting at family dinner.
Staring across at the familiar faces that saved my life, saved my bloodline despite trying to annihilate it so many times—knowing the truth.
The truth.
Seeing the documents.
Pouring over the videos for days.
Feeling the pressure of resurrection in a way that I’d never fully realized until I went to reach for a roll, only to have Phoenix steal it from me and stare me down like he knew I knew his secrets.
He bit into his slowly.
I chomped mine down and shrugged like I didn’t give a shit.
But I knew.
The heaviness of it was overwhelming. What the hell was I supposed to do? I wasn’t a hero. They’d painted me a monster worth saving since I was cooperating and trying to find the rats in my own Family and now, I was supposed to somehow keep living a lie with a girl I actually cared for by my side.