Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 75871 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 379(@200wpm)___ 303(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75871 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 379(@200wpm)___ 303(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
“What’s going on with you lately? You act like you’re being tortured.”
Colby turned to look at him, his hackles automatically raised. “What the fuck are you talking about? I’m here, just like everyone else. I’m pitching in and doing what’s right by the family.” But the truth was, Colby was being moody. He was feeling all sorts of conflicting emotions he wasn’t sharing with anyone, not even Vince.
Colby didn’t look at his brother, focusing on the string of kids running toward the back door and outside, led by Wyatt and Sean, who were good about wrangling up the younger ones.
“I don’t know, man. But I’m not the only one who’s noticed it. Mom and Roe have too. I was talking to Kristen about it.” Roe and their mom had been talking about him? Dennis and his wife? “And we were thinking that maybe it’s the wedding? I’ve heard about people getting upset around others getting hitched, thinking about your own life and not being happy.”
He gritted his teeth, chest tight. “So because I’m not married, I can’t be happy?”
“That’s not what I was saying, but you can’t want to be alone. No one really wants that, and I get it. We’re all getting older. Everyone is settled in their life. Kristen has this new friend from Chelsea. Her name is Sally. The two of you have a lot in common. You’re both around the same age, neither of you has been married. Sally has a big family, grew up on a farm and—”
Years of pent-up emotions shot to the surface, too powerful for him to control. “Stop! Just fucking stop!” Colby said louder than he meant to. He looked around the room, and everyone was quiet, everyone looking at them and wondering what was going on. The weight of their stares was another burden on Colby’s shoulders.
He knew he should shut up. That he should smile and pretend everything was okay or turn around and walk out to cool down, but he couldn’t. Not now. Not when he just wanted to be happy. Just wanted to live his life. Just wanted to have Vince and let them find the happiness that suited them best without any expectations.
What came out of his mouth was, “I don’t know if I want to work the farm.”
Dennis’s face scrunched up, and he was looking at Colby like he was some kind of disease that needed to be cured.
“Colby?” his mom said, his name a soft question.
He looked at her, at the pain and confusion on her face. Then at his dad, the wrinkles around his eyes and the sadness curling his lips down. And fuck, he hated letting them down, hated how he felt, but he was so fucking tired of feeling that way too.
Colby pushed off from the wall, ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “I love the farm. I do, but…but it doesn’t make me happy the way it does you.” He looked at Dennis and then his parents.
“Babe,” Vince said, stepping closer.
He wanted to beg Vince to call him baby, knew he was trying to prevent the volcano from erupting, but maybe it was time it did. Colby would be miserable if it didn’t.
“I can’t… I have to do this.” He gave his attention back to the others, body jittery and pacing. “Ever since everything went down with Lulu, something hasn’t been right with me. Maybe even before that, but I couldn’t name what it was. I felt…incomplete. And not because I wasn’t in a relationship. At least not in the way you’re thinking. I realized I didn’t know who the fuck I was…what I wanted. Roe knew he wanted to experience life outside of Briar County, and he did. He lived and learned and experienced the world and decided he wanted to come home. Both Jackie and Dennis knew they wanted exactly what Mom and Dad have—marriage, family, and Covington Acres. But I didn’t know.” He continued pacing, not letting himself focus on any one person. “Maybe I did want that, and maybe I didn’t. I just feel like I never had the chance to sort through that as an individual rather than the youngest Covington son who has never stood out, not really.”
“Colby…we love you. I’m sorry we made you feel that way,” his mom said, and damned did that break his heart.
“I don’t doubt you love me. That’s why it’s so hard. And I also know that a lot of this comes from inside me. How I’ve always felt different but never had a name for it. That no matter how many women I was with, I could never feel that romantic connection. I didn’t understand it, like my wires were crossed. Every time I broke up with someone, it made me feel more and more broken. More and more different, which added to the restlessness I experienced around the farm.