Total pages in book: 230
Estimated words: 217798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1089(@200wpm)___ 871(@250wpm)___ 726(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 217798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1089(@200wpm)___ 871(@250wpm)___ 726(@300wpm)
Four hours later, she walked through the dungeon, her mask off finally. It was funny how when she’d taken it off in the locker room, she’d barely recognized the woman looking back at her from the mirror. That woman seemed to have aged a bit, her glow dulled by regret.
She should have stayed in her room, given him more time.
The club was closed and the space quiet now. She wondered if Kash had changed and gone back to his room. He’d been quiet, too. Contemplative. During the demonstration, he’d been completely compliant, offering her nothing but his obedience, but she hadn’t felt any joy from him. There had been no relaxing into the moment. He’d been an automaton, easy to use, but there had been no connection between them.
She stopped at the stage where she’d briefly had some hope. It was gone now, and she had to ask herself some hard questions.
Could she live without this the rest of her life? Could she give it up and truly be happy? Could she be happy without Kash?
“You didn’t change.”
She stopped, taking a deep breath because he’d startled her. She’d thought she was the last one left downstairs. “I was down in the locker room talking to Kori and her friend Sarah. I didn’t have clothes down there. I changed up in my bedroom. I didn’t think it would be seemly to walk around the club in nothing but a towel.”
“Some people walk around here perfectly naked. I don’t think anyone would mind.” He was sitting on one of the spanking benches. The whole place had been cleaned by a group of efficient submissives and one or two tops who helped supervise them. Even when they were cleaning, they’d still played with the tops, offering up saucy comments that led to playful swats.
This was a place of happiness, and yet she felt so damn hollow.
“It would feel odd after-hours. There’s something magical about the club when it’s all lit up, something that lends itself to fantasy. Now it’s back to reality.” Back to figuring out what to do about their marriage. “Do you want to walk up with me? I can change and make us some tea. We should talk.”
He was silent for a moment, his head hanging low. “I didn’t like it, Day.”
Her heart constricted. There was no anger left inside her, only a deep sense of loss. She moved toward him, putting her hands on his shoulders. “I know. I’m so sorry I put you through it. I shouldn’t have. I pushed you. That’s why we need to talk.”
He groaned and swung his legs, jumping down from the bench. “You people talk too much. I’ve decided to forgive you for not talking to me about this in the first place, Day. You were right. I hate the talking.”
She held her hands up. “All right. I won’t mention it again, but we have to make some decisions and soon.”
He stood in front of her. “What kind of decisions? Whether or not you leave me? Why do you need this so much?”
How to explain it to him? “It’s a part of me.”
It was a part of him, too. She was so sure of it, but it couldn’t work if he never let himself be.
“I was embarrassed. I didn’t like all those people watching me like that.”
“Yet you don’t mind having five or six sex tapes on the Internet at any given time.” The words slipped from her mouth. Maybe she was still angry.
He shrugged as though none of it bothered him at all. Not the sex tapes. Not the million and one articles about his rampaging hormones. The only thing that bothered him was the one thing she needed. “The sex tapes are normal.”
Frustration welled inside her. “This is normal, Kash. You use that word like it has meaning. And unless you’ve got the last name Kardashian or make your living off porn, I assure you having a bunch of sex tapes out in the public domain isn’t something most people do.”
He stared at her for a moment. “You’re jealous.”
She shook her head, ready to end this blasted evening. “Believe what you want to believe, Kash. I’m going to bed.”
“I was embarrassed,” he said quietly.
Which was exactly why this could never work. She stopped. The last week suddenly seemed so much longer than a mere seven days. “Like I said, I won’t ask this of you again. I didn’t ask this of you tonight. You volunteered.”
“Because I was jealous.”
She sighed. She’d known it at the time, known better than to allow it to continue. But the idea that he was willing to try had been far too tantalizing. “I told you I wasn’t going to have sex.”
He leaned against the bench. “Then what’s the point? Explain it to me. I’ve been sitting out here for hours trying to figure it out. I don’t want this, Day. I don’t want a wall between us, but I can’t seem to find a way around it. I tried tonight.”