Total pages in book: 108
Estimated words: 108768 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 544(@200wpm)___ 435(@250wpm)___ 363(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 108768 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 544(@200wpm)___ 435(@250wpm)___ 363(@300wpm)
“You’re a good daughter.”
“I just love hard, and when it comes to my family. . .I would do a lot for them.”
“Even sacrifice yourself?”
“Yeah. Good or bad, that’s who I am.”
“And the guy?”
“Once I was back home, we would talk on the phone all the time, but then. . .my life became a whirlwind of hospital visits and responsibilities.” Her voice wavered slightly. “Sometimes, I would forget to call him or. . .I was too sad to call. . .”
“And that was that?”
“Well, not completely. He came to my mother’s funeral.”
My heart broke for her. I hated that she had gone through so much.
She let out a long breath. “I was surprised to see him there.”
I leaned back in my chair. “Did you get to talk to him?”
“For a few minutes, I don’t even remember what I said, I was so. . .out of it. Like a zombie.” She shook her head. “After the funeral, I took my sisters back to our apartment and then. . .I got drunk off some cheap wine and at midnight I called him up to come outside. I told him. . .”
I quirked my brows. “What did you tell him?”
“I told him that I wanted him to fuck the pain away.”
I gritted my teeth, but made sure to not let searing jealousy show on my face. “I bet he sped over.”
“He actually did, ended up getting a speeding ticket. I offered to pay it. He refused.” She gazed at the soup. “Then. . .we hooked up in his car, and I’m not proud to say this but. . .”
“What?”
“I was so sloppy drunk and a complete depressed mess.”
“You had just buried your mother. That’s fine.”
“Well. . .as I told you. . .sex is one of my comforts.”
Under the table, I fisted my hands, wishing I could find this guy and beat the shit out of him. But I knew I couldn’t do that. At least the guy had been there for Monique when she needed someone and so far. . it sounded like he had been respectful.
Still, jealousy hit me with this guy and I shoved it away.
“After I was done, I just left the car and went back up to my apartment.” She picked up the spoon and sighed. “I didn’t even say goodbye or thanks.”
“Surely, your body was thanks enough.”
“Still, that was crazy rude.” She took a spoonful of soup but didn’t lift it up. “After that. . .he called all the time but I never answered.”
“The sex was bad?”
“No. My mind just wasn’t there.” She drank some of the soup and swallowed.
I reached across the table and covered her hand with mine. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
She looked at me. “Thank you, Lei, but it’s just one of those things, you know? Sometimes life takes unexpected turns, and sometimes those turns are pretty damn depressing.”
“Now that I’m in your life, you won’t have to deal with stuff like that all alone, Monique.”
“Call me, Moni.” Her smile widened. “My family and people I’m really close to call me that.”
I tasted the new name on my tongue. “Moni.”
She winked. “Perfect.”
I returned to my soup.
To my surprise, she spoke, “So. . .were you in love with anyone else besides Chanel? Or. . .was it always her?”
I lifted my gaze and saw how uncomfortable those questions had been for her to say out loud. I took my time answering, still unsure if I could really voice all the new thoughts rising and spiraling in my mind. “After these days with you. . .it’s difficult to answer those questions.”
“Why?”
“Everyone has always made the case that Chanel never cared about me—my father, mother, Yan, Chen, Duck, and even Dima hinted in his way.” Sadness washed over me. “But I never believed them and I damn sure never cared about what they thought.”
“But now?”
“You may not believe me, but. . .”
“What, Lei?”
“After spending time with you, and feeling how intense. . .” I set the spoon back down. “What I’m trying to say is that whatever I had for Chanel. . .I’m starting to understand that it wasn’t love. Unfortunately. . .it might not have been anything.”
Moni blinked. “O-kay.”
I felt like a fucking loser, but if she was going to be in my life—and in such a high, intimate position—then it was time to truly open myself up to her and see if she could accept it all.
“Last night, I wondered if I saved my virginity for nothing.” I searched Moni’s face for a reaction but she kept it neutral. “And then. . .I realized that. . .your being my first was the whole reason why I saved it. Perhaps, God knew what I didn’t. He knew it would be everything with you. . .”
Because you’re the one. . .
I sat across the table from Moni with that profound realization spinning in my mind. And it wasn’t just a fleeting thought or a momentary feeling; it was a deep, resounding certainty that settled in my heart with the weight and warmth of something long-acknowledged yet only now fully understood.