Total pages in book: 50
Estimated words: 46751 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 234(@200wpm)___ 187(@250wpm)___ 156(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 46751 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 234(@200wpm)___ 187(@250wpm)___ 156(@300wpm)
"Are you okay, Sparrow?" Gideon asks, pulling me down onto the couch as soon as we get home. He tugs me into his arms, wrapping them around me. I melt into him, sinking into his embrace.
"Yeah," I whisper. "I'm okay."
"You've been quiet since I got back to your brother's."
"I've been thinking."
"If you're thinking about running, forget it, Kenna. You're not getting rid of me. I don't care how hard you try."
"What?" I turn around on his lap so I can meet his gaze. "You think I'm going to run, Gideon? Really?"
"I don't know where your head is at, Sparrow. But the thought crossed my mind," he admits. "You got scared today. When you get scared, you run."
"I didn't…I wasn't…" I huff out a breath, trying to find the right words. "I wasn't afraid for the reason you think, Gideon. That's not what that was about. I was worried for you."
"Why?" Something painful and bottomless goes through his eyes. He blinks it away as quickly as it appears, but I see enough of it, and it shakes me to my foundation. This crazy, amazing, beautiful man thinks I'm worried about him because I don't feel the same way.
No. God, no.
How could I have messed this up so badly that he doesn't already know?
"I love you, Gideon," I say without hesitation, unwilling and unable to keep the truth from him when he needs to hear it. He needs to know that he has every piece of me. There can be no doubt. I won't allow him to have any.
"Jesus," he breathes.
"I mean it," I whisper, cupping his face between my palms. "I love you. That was never a question. That isn't what today was about either. I panicked when you said it because for the first time, I realized that I could hurt you too. I never thought about that before today, Gideon. I never let myself consider what could happen to me. But I did today." I swallow hard. "I'll never forgive myself if something happens to me and you get hurt."
"Sparrow," he whispers, dropping his forehead to mine. "You think I'm going to let that happen?"
"I think you'll do everything in your power to keep it from happening. But I still had to face the fear today, Gideon. We can't give over what we never face." I exhale a slow a breath. "I'm sorry I messed it up today. I wanted to tell you that I'm crazy about you. I can't imagine a future without you in it, but if you were to tell me that you're going to die tomorrow or next week or in five years, I wouldn't give up a single moment with you, either. I'd rather spend the rest of my life missing you than miss a single moment we could have spent together."
I know that's how my mom feels too. Maybe she's still a little broken. Maybe she always will be. But who said she had to be whole? Who said she had to get over my dad or learn to be perfectly okay without him? There is no rulebook for grief. There isn't one for life, either. We all just do the best we can and hope it's enough. But she had forty years with the love of her life. That's something special.
If I get even twenty with mine, I'll count myself blessed beyond measure and cherish every single one.
"Fuck," he breathes, pulling me closer. "You're killing me now, Sparrow. One sweet word at a time."
"Don't get too crazy on me now," I say, running my hands through his hair. "You're not allowed to die anytime soon. I'm just saying I'm learning to make peace with the fact that we can't live forever. Give me two hundred years or so. Then we'll talk."
"Oh, only two hundred or so? That's all you need?"
"I mean, it's a good start. Why? Think you make it to five hundred?"
"Depends." He runs his hands down my back, grabbing my ass. "Do I get to eat you for every meal?"
"That's probably not very nutritious, but sure, Marine. Knock yourself out."
He stands suddenly, making me squeal with laughter.
"I didn't mean now!"
"Too bad. I did." He grinds me against his erection before stomping toward the bedroom. Thank god it's only a few short feet away because I don't think either of us are going to make it very far. We barely make it two steps before we're a blur of hands, pulling off each other's clothes. They fall to the floor where we stand, creating a trail from the couch all the way to the bed.
By the time we're at the foot of it, his cock is in my hand and he has his hand down my pants. I writhe against his fingers, trying to jerk him off and get his pants off at the same time. It's no easy feat when he's strumming my clit like he knows exactly how to make me sing.