Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83195 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 416(@200wpm)___ 333(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83195 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 416(@200wpm)___ 333(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
I look away from him and back to the TV. “I already ate.”
“That’s okay. I’m not hungry either,” he says.
I try to ignore him, unable to avoid suffering under these painful emotions.
“Are you on birth control?” Alek asks, and that grabs my attention.
“You can’t be serious, Alek. Did you come all this way to make sure you didn’t accidentally impregnate me?”
His eyebrows furrow. “I just thought… I—”
“Yes, I am,” I answer. “And don’t worry, even if I did fall pregnant, it’s not like I’d want to have your kids anyway.” And I know the minute it leaves my mouth it’s wrong. And mean.
I want to say I’m sorry, but I don’t.
He licks his lips, and I’m certain my words are enough to push him out the door, but he doesn’t go. He places the brown bag on the counter. “Yes, well, I got you the morning-after pill.”
“Such a gift giver,” I say with a sharp tongue.
I watch him wearily as he drops to his knees in front of me. I don’t know what to do, so I shift uncomfortably, as if to get farther away from him, because as mad as I am with Alek, I’m always victim to this relentless connection we share.
“I’m sorry, sunshine,” he says earnestly. “I’m not good at things like this. But I’m trying.”
“What are you even trying at, Alek?” I ask, exasperated.
“To be a better man for you. To be someone who is good enough for you.”
It tugs at my heart, and I hate the way his sincerity rips me apart. “It’s not enough, Alek. Cinita—”
“Is gone,” he’s quick to say. “I never expected to have someone like you in my life. I hadn’t made it clear enough to you that you’re the only woman I’ve ever wanted in my life. Cinita reminded me of us as kids, and I wanted to protect her. I didn’t realize doing that made you feel less than. I literally could buy you anything in the world, Lena, and I’m still stumped as to what to give you.”
“I don’t want your money, Alek.”
“I know. But it’s the only thing I’ve focused on my entire life. That and protecting my sister. This is all I have been, and if it’s not enough for you, I want to find more, become more so I can give you what you need.”
He seems confused, and I hate how young he looks. How lost, even.
“I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. To give you everything you want, just so I can stay by your side, Lena.”
My heart swells, and I hate him so much right now because it’s so unfair to us both. We come from different worlds.
I slip onto the floor beside him, tucking my feet under my ass as I do.
“Alek, I was emotional because you brought me to your house and still had her there. I won’t come second to anyone. I can’t keep playing this game.” I shake my head.
“She has nothing on you, don’t you get that? She is beneath you in every way,” he says, the sincerity of his words rocking me.
I bite my bottom lip, trying my hardest not to cry.
“Lena, Cinita was an old wound, but she’s gone now. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, and I sure as fuck don’t know how to navigate it, but I’m trying. For all the hell she caused me, the one and only good thing she’s done is lead me to you. You are the only thing I need in my life. Tell me what you need from me, what else I can give you, and I’ll give you everything.”
His words hit my like an avalanche. I don’t want to be fool enough to believe them, but I can’t deny the truth when it’s right in front of me. Because Alek might be many things, but a liar he is not. And for someone who has never known love, I can’t deny that he is trying his best. But even I don’t know what that might look like in the future.
“What would we ever be, Aleksandr?”
“What do you mean?”
“You and me. What would we ever be?”
“Us. We would be us.”
“I get that, Alek, I do. But while I’m focusing on my career right now, eventually, I want more. Have you thought of that?” I say. “Cinita may have been the better choice for you. I know she doesn’t want kids, and I doubt you do either.”
And I hate myself for comparing myself to her, but if I already feel so strongly for him now, how could I possibly walk away in a few years’ time?
“You never even asked me if I want kids.”
“Well, do you?”
His eyes search mine, and for the first time he seems lost for words. “I’ve never thought about having children because I’ve never loved anyone before. It was something I didn’t even think was a possibility for me.”