Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 90114 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 451(@200wpm)___ 360(@250wpm)___ 300(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90114 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 451(@200wpm)___ 360(@250wpm)___ 300(@300wpm)
She can talk business or culture or food. Or fucking life.
But I don't want to think, for a single second, about the horrible truth.
Someone else knows what happened.
Someone else could tell the entire fucking world. Does her sister know?
Her sister's friends? Classmates? Every student at Columbia?
Every one of their parents?
Every employee at every company one of their parents owns?
Gossip travels fast. Especially something like this.
"This has something to do with him?" Nick asks.
"Is that why you wanted to talk to me?"
"Not exactly." He goes to move closer, but he doesn't. "I know you're still angry with me. That you'll always be angry with me. I'd feel the same."
Great, another speech that ends in I'm sorry. "Shit happened. You fucked up. You were just a kid. You shoved me into therapy because you were worried. You're still worried. Now, I'm a dry drunk. I've heard it before. Let's not do it again."
"Covered a lot of ground in ten seconds."
I barely stop myself from rolling my eyes.
"I am sorry. For not protecting you. For not coming forward. For not stopping him. I am sorry, but I'm not going to ask for your forgiveness again."
"Good."
"I'm not going away either."
"Do you have a point?" I turn to the window. Press my palm into the cool glass. It does nothing to temper the anger raising my body temperature. I want to throw a fucking chair through this window. Then throw my brother through that.
Fuck his I'm sorry.
Fuck his talk.
Fuck the entire world.
"I know Jasmine, Shep. We still talk. I see her father once a week. I'd know if you'd been dating."
"And?"
"I remember the two of you. What it looked like when you were in love."
I push a breath through my chest. Stare at my brother like he's the stupidest person on the planet. Because, right now, he is. He knows what I'm about to say. And fuck him for making me say it. "I'm not capable of that anymore."
"I thought the same thing."
"Good for you. Now, if you don't have a point, I'm going to leave." I need a drink. Bourbon. Neat. An entire fucking bottle.
Immediately.
I close my eyes. Press my forehead to the glass. Will it to cool me somehow. To calm me somehow.
It doesn't. It's not bourbon. It's not a woman tied to my bed. It's not Jasmine bending to my will.
It's fucking glass.
Useless for anything except letting in the light.
"He does have something to do with this?" Nick asks. He takes my non-response as a yes. "Whatever it is, you're not winning anything by playing this game. You'll never win. You'll only prove he can control you."
"Thanks, Dr. Phil."
"You think I don't feel the same way? Really, Shep? Do you really think I wouldn't kill him if you asked?"
I say nothing.
"Ask now. I'll do it. I don't care that I'll spend the rest of my life in jail. It would be worth it."
"You've never hurt anyone."
"Even so."
I have no doubt he would. And no doubt that bastard will still find a way to come out ahead. "He'd still control your life."
"He would. But if I believed it would release you, if you'd finally feel free, I'd do it."
"You'd be under his thumb for your entire life."
He nods yes. "You've thought about it too."
"Of course."
"And this… it's his doing?"
"Are you going to state obvious facts like they're questions?"
"Lizzy told me what happened last year. You were willing to do a lot for Jasmine."
"I was angry." About rehab. And everything else.
"You do care about her."
"Of course." If I could love anyone, it would be her.
"So why are you doing this to her?"
"She's getting what she wants too. Her father—"
He nods, understanding immediately. She wants her father to die happy. Believing a lie. The same way our mother did. "Lizzy believes you two reconnected after all this time. She hates how much she loves it. She's still not a big fan of yours."
"I imagine."
His chuckle dissolves the tension in his shoulders. But only for a second. His jaw tightens as soon as he speaks. "I won't let on that you're… what, paying her to marry you?"
"It's the best tool I have."
He nods true. "And I won't let on that… whatever it is you're doing to win his favor."
"I don't want his favor."
"You do. And that's all he'll ever think. That he's still controlling you. Because he is."
My fingers curl into fists.
"The only way you'll get out from under it is if you stop playing this game. If you admit it to yourself. Deal with what that means."
"I've spent the last year dealing with what that means. Thanks for taking the only thing that helped."
He raises a brow have you? "Like you said. We've had this conversation before. I won't put you through it again."
That's clearly not the case.
He continues. "I'll say one thing."
"Yes?"
"You should tell Jasmine. She deserves to know. And she's a smart woman. She'll find out sooner or later."