Total pages in book: 125
Estimated words: 121576 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 608(@200wpm)___ 486(@250wpm)___ 405(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 121576 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 608(@200wpm)___ 486(@250wpm)___ 405(@300wpm)
“I want to talk to you,” I said, getting Oliver’s attention. “To both of you.” I looked at Olivia when she leaned back. “But I need to talk to your mom first, okay?”
“That’s probably a good idea,” Olivia said.
“Yeah, she’s been crying,” Oliver said sharply. “Like, a lot.”
My gut twisted. I snapped my gaze to Jenna, who was still stuck on the pavement, watching me, watching us, but seemed to realize she hadn’t moved the moment our eyes met.
She blinked, looking down at her keys, then locked her car and stormed over. She was wearing a sleeveless maroon top and those faded cutoff shorts she favored. Her hair fell in thick, dark curls. I imagined it braided earlier like Olivia’s was now. Jenna reached me quickly, her sandals smacking the sidewalk.
“Hi,” I said.
Jesus, was there ever a more loaded word? That hi was so many things. I’m sorry. I missed you. I love you. I need you.
Jenna avoided my stare and glanced between the kids. “Can you guys go inside, please? I need to talk to Nathan.”
“Yeah,” Oliver answered.
Olivia wiggled down. “We already knew that,” she said, giving me a secret thumbs-up against her chest her mother couldn’t see. I smiled at her.
“Here, Oliver.” Jenna handed him the keys.
They climbed the steps together, both of them peering back at me before they reached the door. They disappeared inside the building.
I looked at Jenna. She was already watching me.
“I’m sorry,” I said, needing to get that out first. Fuck, that needed to be said days ago. “I should’ve called you. I wanted to, Jenna. Please don’t think I didn’t.”
She pulled in a breath through her nose. Her chest heaved. “Are you okay?”
“No.” I rubbed at my face. “I don’t know. Not really.” I took a seat on the steps. “Can you sit with me?”
Jenna blinked, sending a tear down her cheek.
Hand on the cement, I was pushing off to stand, to go to her, when she walked over and sat down on the step. She left space between us, two bodies’ worth. Way too much space for me.
“Why are you here right now, Nathan?” she asked. Her eyes were tear-filled. “Why didn’t you call me or come over? Anything. It’s been six days…”
“I know. I wanted to see you.”
“Don’t tell me what you wanted to do,” she bit out. “You should’ve done something about it. Do you have any idea what that did to them?” Jenna didn’t point or gesture behind her and she didn’t need to. I knew who she meant. “You disappeared. You dropped them, Nathan, after seeing you practically every day for two and a half months.”
“Jenna, that shit I was going through…and what I’m still going through, it fucked me up. Thursday—”
“Of course, I get it.” She jabbed at her chest. “I know how difficult Thursday was for you. I understand. I will always understand, but they can’t, Nathan. My kids will never understand why you don’t want to be around them.”
“It wasn’t them, Jenna.”
“Who was it, then? Me?” Her bottom lip began to tremble. “Because you didn’t want me with you while you went through that. You made that very clear…”
“No.” I moved closer, reaching out, and took her sweet face between my hands. “Fuck, no, it wasn’t you,” I rasped. “It wasn’t anyone. I wanted you there. I always want you there…You have no idea what I feel for you.”
“You asked me to leave.” She grabbed my wrists and pulled my hands down. “What could you possibly feel for me if you could do that?” I watched big tears roll down her cheeks. “I needed you to need me,” she whispered. “I wanted it so bad…”
“I do need you.”
“Stop, Nathan.” She pulled back when I wiped her face.
“I can’t. I can’t see you like this and do nothing.” I slid even closer until her knees pushed into my leg and held on to her hands. We stared at each other.
I had to let her in. Now. I had to tell her.
“I messed up a lot with Sadie, Jenna.” I felt her hand tense in mine. “I missed things. I know I did. She could’ve been asking me for help and I didn’t see it. I don’t know how I could do that. I loved her…But there are things I know I overlooked. When she wanted to go back to work weeks before her maternity leave was up, I didn’t know that was her way of telling me she was having a hard time. Now I know it was.”
“You don’t know that for sure.” Jenna spoke softly. Sweetly. Her hand held on to mine now. She was trying to make me feel better, despite how massively I had fucked things up.
And God, I loved her for that.
“No, I do. I know it for sure,” I argued. “Sadie loved her job, but she was so fucking excited for Marley. We both were.”