Total pages in book: 65
Estimated words: 62528 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 313(@200wpm)___ 250(@250wpm)___ 208(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 62528 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 313(@200wpm)___ 250(@250wpm)___ 208(@300wpm)
“Garble, garble.”
“Have I ever let you down, Minksters?” Cimil scoffed.
“Garble.”
“Whoa, whoa. You can’t blame me for that. Roberto didn’t have to take you prisoner to get me to date him. I could’ve been persuaded with just a few thousand human sacrifices. Or cheesy baked goods.” She sighed. “No one ever said Egyptian pharaohs were imaginative.” Her husband, Roberto, might’ve been ancient and the ex-vampire king, but ever since the blast, he’d lost his way.
There’d been a time when he’d loved killing and chaos as much as she did. But the accidental mating between Minky and Mittens the hellhound had wiped out more than just Roberto’s vampire blood, leaving him mortal.
Over the past year or so, he’d gone all soft and squishy, reading the Pioneer Woman’s blog and making wholesome snacks for her once half-vampire children. Overnight, they’d turned into the typical American human family who strived for a better world.
Blech! Boring!
That was why she’d sent Damien Greystone to the jungle to find Maxton, the only vampire to miraculously survive the blast intact. And now that Maxton had turned MF, the two would soon feel a sense of isolation, just as Cimil did.
I’m the only god who wants to god. Anyhoodles, not before long, Maxton and MF would hear the call to procreate and sire more vampires.
The same would happen for Bonbon and Gorgonzolina. Can’t have too many love-sucking demons! They helped drain positive energy from the masses.
Then there were the degenerates, like sex fairies and ghosts, who simply wore people down with their uncontrollable supernatural thirsts. One for debauchery, the other for revenge.
Over the next twelve months, the world would be bursting at the seams with the darkest, most malevolent creatures the universe had to offer. Even Bigfoot was planning a family!
And the gods will be back in action, doing what gods do! Watching humans suffer. And then saving them and being worshipped, like the old days. Cimil was just happy no one had caught on to her plan.
“We are so close, Minky. So close. Just a few thousand gallons of dragon guac, and all will be right in the world again!”
Jac arrived at the club to find people already lined up outside, waiting to get in.
Taped to the doors was a poster of Dash wearing just his boots. A black rectangle with the word “censored” covered his manly parts, and at the top of the poster were the words “Full nudity! One night only!”
Jac gasped and covered her mouth. Was he really going to bare all? A tingle shot through her core and spiked down to her lady bits. I’ll finally get to see what he’s packing.
Then it hit her. Everyone else would get to see him, too, and she kind of hated the idea. Now that she knew the truth about what he was and why he’d chosen to never father offspring, she saw him as more than just a cranky jerk or a piece of meat. Dash was a complicated, ancient, and principled man. Or dragon. Whatever.
She’d be cranky, too, if everyone was pressuring her to mate. It was no one’s business. Least of all a goddess’s.
Jac shook her head. I still can’t believe that crazy woman is a supernatural superpower. Though, it sort of made sense. The world was crazy because it was ruled by crazies.
Jac went inside and headed backstage to find Dash. Along the way, she passed by several of the other dancers oiling each other up.
“Hi, guys,” she said. “Good luck tonight.”
“Who needs luck?” said Phillipe, the chef guy. “I’ve got these.” He flexed his pecs.
The beaver guy wiggled his assless pants and tail. “Or this.”
Jac smiled stiffly. Just what I need to see.
She was about to knock on Dash’s dressing room door when someone called her name. Jac turned to find Peepers—or Cimil—in a shiny pink jumpsuit with fringe.
“I knew you’d be back,” Cimil said.
“Yes, but it’ll be my last night.”
“Such a shame, but that’s the way the egg bounces. You like eggs, don’t you, Jac?”
Jac frowned. “I guess.”
“Well, after tonight, you’ll be in eggstacy.”
Errr… “Okay.”
Cimil wiggled her brows. “Oh, by the way, Dash asked me to make sure my unicorn—I mean stage manager, behaves. However, since I believe that every being is entitled to have their fun, I’ve drawn the line at stabbing you.”
Jac’s mouth dropped open.
“Ha! Kidding!” Cimil slapped her knee. “She might still stab you, but I promise it won’t be anywhere strategic.”
It was a mistake coming back here. She needed to skedaddle.
“Ha! Kidding again,” Cimil spouted.
“Are you about to say that I will be stabbed somewhere strategic?”
Cimil’s smile melted away. “You stole my joke. You’re no fun.”
And I can’t believe you’re a goddess.
Cimil went on, “Actually, Mink is off running errands for me at the ice rink. I have some special guests coming and need to prepare.”
Jac didn’t know what to say to that. Were the guests werepenguins? At this point, nothing would surprise her.