Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 85950 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 430(@200wpm)___ 344(@250wpm)___ 287(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85950 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 430(@200wpm)___ 344(@250wpm)___ 287(@300wpm)
“Ads?”
“I’m not pregnant,” I manage on a sputter of pain and regret.
Her silence is everything. It tells me that she doesn’t know what to say, and that speaks of the loss I’m currently feeling. I was at a loss for words when tragedy struck our sleepy little town a while back. Seeking revenge on something that had nothing to do with Lindell, gunmen showed up and shot up McKenna and Kalen Alexander’s wedding reception in the town square. Chase’s mother was killed as was Walker’s twin brother. There were no words that helped anyone after that. That day nearly made Cash quit his job. He spoke to me about feeling helpless, that if someone else, someone better than him, had been the police chief, that maybe things would’ve been different.
It didn’t help to explain to him that Cerberus, an elite team of men from New Mexico, were here and two people from our community were lost anyway. There was no blame spread around other than putting it right where it was due, and that was on the men who came to rip our town apart. No one in Lindell blamed Cash for what happened that day, not even Walker and Harper who lost their brother. I’ve never once noticed any sort of hard feelings between Chase and Cash either.
“Oh, honey,” she finally says. I hate the pity in her voice even though I’ve been feeling nothing but that for myself these last couple of hours.
“If I were in town, I’d be there in a flash to hug your neck.”
“I’m going to lose him,” I confess, another sob racking my body. “I never should’ve—”
“We won’t have that, Adalynn Tate. This is a minor setback. That’s all. Lots of people don’t get pregnant the first month they try.”
Silent tears roll down my cheeks, as guilt swims inside of me.
My first instinct is to remind her that she got pregnant exceptionally easy but punishing her for what my body didn’t do makes no sense. The jealousy I feel threatens to make me ill. I’m not normally a person who wastes time on envy. If there’s something I want, then I make it happen. It’s why I started researching fertility methods in the first place.
“You’re not in town?” I ask instead.
“We took a little impromptu trip to Padre,” she explains. “I mentioned it last week.”
“That’s right,” I say, even though I can’t recall having that conversation with her. I haven’t exactly been myself the last couple of weeks.
The timer for the oven goes off, giving me the perfect excuse to get off the phone.
“We’ll talk when you get back. I have cupcakes to pull.”
“You’re sure you don’t need me? I’ll have Chase bring me home.”
“I’ll be fine,” I assure her.
“Call me if you change your mind.”
“I will,” I promise before ending the call.
Muscle memory carries me across the kitchen, and it’s the only thing I can rely on right now. I wasted the time I needed to use to make the icing, on crying and feeling inadequate and pathetic, so I’m even more behind.
An hour later, my kitchen is a mess and I’m only fractionally doing better.
I lift my arm to use my shirt sleeve to wipe away yet another stray tear, hating that I haven’t yet been able to pull myself from this crying game. It makes me feel weak, as if all my options have run out.
“Ads?”
I spin around, the green icing on the tip of my spatula slinging across the kitchen and landing on the side of the solid white wedding cake I managed to finish without ruining.
“Oh shit!” Cash snaps.
“Can I help you?” I ask, my voice full of hatred I didn’t know I was feeling until it slipped out.
The icing mishap isn’t the end of the world. I can easily fix it but with the way my day is going, that cake could very easily end up on the floor if I touch it again.
“Madison called,” he says.
“Of course she did,” I mutter before turning back around to scoop out more icing so I can finish the golf-themed cupcakes I’m working on for an order someone in town placed.
“You’re upset.”
“Of course I’m upset. I have to finish these cupcakes, and then I have to fix that wedding cake.”
“We can try again next month.”
My hand freezes, icing threatening to fall to the floor.
I need to have a conversation with Madison. What I say to her shouldn’t be relayed to Cash. She should know better.
I hate that I got so tangled up and confused about the different aspects of my life. I struggled to keep them separate no matter how much I convinced myself that I could handle the situation. I wanted a baby with Cash so badly, but I think I wanted the fantasy of him being mine in every way even more.