Total pages in book: 161
Estimated words: 149338 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 747(@200wpm)___ 597(@250wpm)___ 498(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 149338 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 747(@200wpm)___ 597(@250wpm)___ 498(@300wpm)
“Come on.” I nodded, holding the umbrella over the both of us. Leading the way for her to finally meet the man behind the expensive fucking suit.
The closer we got to my reality, the more I realized I was doing the right thing. Until there were no more steps to take, no more thoughts to doubt, no more emotions to pull. Until there was nothing but the truth, staring back at us. Handing Lexi the umbrella, I stepped out into the pouring rain, not caring that every inch of my body was being covered with the downpour, which fell from the sky. Looking up as Heaven’s tears streamed down my face, and fell to my feet. I vaguely watched the lightening before me, subconsciously counting the seconds until thunder would strike.
The storm was getting closer…
I wanted it to cleanse me, save me from my impulses, my decisions, my choices. The pain, the misery, the hurt, were as real as the women buried in front of us. As much as I wanted it to go away, it never would. It was a daily reminder of what I lost.
Of who I am.
I watched Lexi from the corner of my eyes, holding the umbrella in one hand, the other rose to her mouth as she read the two gravestones. Taking in the fresh daisies I had delivered every morning, catching her attention.
“Alejandro is this—”
I didn’t falter, putting an end to the fantasy in her head. I spoke with conviction, “This is what happens to the women who love me.”
Our eyes locked.
“Welcome to my Hell.”
A loud crash of thunder struck above us. She shuddered, sucking in a breath, her eyes widening. Wrapping her arms around her tiny frame for warmth and comfort, taking in my words.
“This is my life, Lexi. People die around me daily, from my bare hands and from others. I’ve killed people just to prove a point, slaughtered men without thinking twice about it. I am a ruthless motherfucker who prefers torture as a form of vengeance. My hands are still covered in my mother’s blood. And my sister’s…”
“Did you—”
“Yes. I may not have pulled the trigger, but that didn’t save them from dying either.” I stepped away, turning my back on her. I needed some space. I had never admitted those words to anyone.
“I know what you do is dangerous. I know that there’s a reason why you’re like this. Oh my God… this explains so much. But I know you… I see through you. Under the expensive suits there is a man with a huge heart. I’m living proof of that. You’re not evil. You just think you are.”
She stepped forward, dropping the umbrella to the ground. I could hear her come up behind me. Reaching her arms out. “It’s okay, Alejandro, I’m so sorry, I know what it’s like to lose a parent.”
I turned to face her, the rain pouring all over us now.
“I know what it feels like to be alone, to feel like you have no one on your side. But you have me. I’m here for you, no matter what,” she wept, her voice giving out on her. Reaching for me.
I couldn’t take this much longer. I didn’t want her sympathy, her concern, or her fucking love.
“Don’t touch me, Lexi, you need to stay away from me,” I cautioned, moving her hands away from my body.
“Alejandro, please… please… just let me…” she pleaded in a voice of pure desperation and sorrow.
“Don’t fucking touch me. I’m warning you. What is it going to take for you realize I’m no good for you?!” I shouted, raking my hands through my wet hair.
She didn’t fucking listen, continuing her assault, trying to touch my face, my arms, and my chest. Her hands burned as if she was touching me with holy water. Sinking further into Hell, right along with me. It seared everywhere she placed them, everywhere she touched me, leaving behind deeper scars than the ones I already carried.
“Why won’t you just let me in? I can help…we can help each other. Why do you insist on fighting this?" she implored, gesturing between us. “I understand you don’t want me to end up like the other women who have loved you, but that is not your choice to make. It’s mine,” she stubbornly declared, not letting up with her hands on me.
“You have no fucking clue what you’re signing up for.” I roughly jabbed my finger toward their graves.
“My life isn’t made for you, it’s made for no one but me, it’s the price I pay for taking lives that don’t belong to me,” I gritted through a clinched jaw. Hoping she would back the fuck away from me.
“I’m so sorry, Alejandro, but I’m not going anywhere,” she mourned, leaning in to engulf me in her arms.
I roughly grabbed her wrists tighter than I intended to, holding her in place. I seethed close to her face, “Then I might as well start digging your grave right next to my mother and sister. You can finally fucking hate me when I lay you to rest.”