Total pages in book: 151
Estimated words: 142976 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 715(@200wpm)___ 572(@250wpm)___ 477(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 142976 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 715(@200wpm)___ 572(@250wpm)___ 477(@300wpm)
“And what the hell do you think it’s going to do to me? To my reputation, my life, my-my fucking heart when—after we’ve made this grand announcement about becoming proud parents on a tv show with a massive global audience—we separate in three years and I no longer have any contact with your child? You get to leave here with the kid, mom of the century, aye? And I get to stay behind, a deadbeat dad who appears to have no interest or concern in his child’s well-being! Forgive me for wanting to keep the pregnancy from the world a little longer, when for all intents and purposes—as per your words and wishes—it has nothing to do with me. I see you planning this future, just you and your baby against the world. And I can’t—”
Fern stared at him in slack-jawed shock as he shoved a frustrated hand over his hair, as if he’d forgotten that he’d shorn off the locks that he used to yank between his fingers.
His face was dark, livid, his eyes shining with frustration and something that resembled torment.
“I don’t know how to do this,” he admitted, his voice echoing the torment she’d seen in his eyes. “I don’t. I don’t know how to feel about your pregnancy. It was just thrust onto me. One fucking faulty condom, and suddenly there’s this massive looming consequence. I’m happy it gave your life some meaning and purpose, Fern… but all it’s done to mine is create havoc and confusion.”
“Cade, I told you…”
“Don’t—” he gritted out, slashing his hand violently through the air and she flinched slightly in reaction to the sharp command in his voice. “Don’t you dare tell me it’ll have nothing to do with me. That it’s your child. Maybe you’re comfortable relegating me to nothing but a sperm donor, and I know I’m supposed to be this enlightened man who respects and acknowledges that this is your decision. But when you decided to keep that baby, and then decided that it was yours alone, you cut me off at the knees, Fern. You married me knowing full well that I’d have to watch you grow bigger with that child, then be around him, getting to know him for the first two years of his life… and after that just—what?—forget he exists?
“I don’t know how to be that man. I can’t…” His voice broke and he shook his head in helpless frustration, shifting his stormy gaze from her. “Meanwhile you’re happily telling the whole world about your impending motherhood, and everybody is congratulating me, like I did something so fucking amazing. And I have to grin and bear it while knowing that I’ll be nothing but a stranger to that baby. So, fucking forgive me for having the perfectly normal reaction of not being thrilled whenever you make these little surprise announcements to the world at large. It’s hard to put on a convincing act of happiness when you feel like there’s an axe suspended from a rapidly fraying rope hanging above your head.
“And for the love of God stop comparing me to your fucking stepfather. I’m nothing like him and you know it. I’m so sick of watching my words and my mood around you for fear of being compared to that bastard.”
“Cade… do you want to be a part of the baby’s life?” Fern asked, not knowing what else to say.
She didn’t know what to make of this incomprehensible rant? It certainly sounded like he was unhappy with the arrangement as it stood. She wasn’t sure how she felt about sharing the baby she’d thought of—up until this very moment—as hers alone. Cade had shown an interest in her health, but never in the baby.
“Yes,” he shocked her by snapping. Then he clenched his teeth and screwed his eyes shut. “No! Jesus, I honestly don’t know what the fuck I want. I don’t have all the answers yet. I don’t know how I feel. I’m sorting through that. All I know is that ever since I met you my life has been complicated by this mess of confusing emotions. I don’t do emotions, Fern. I don’t do confusion. But I can’t tell up from down at the moment and it’s driving me insane. Sorting through these tangled feelings is an ongoing process, and when you ambush me with shit like this… I just feel like I’ve been hit by a freight train and whatever happens, I know that my life will never be the same again. And I hate that.”
The last four words emerged on an almost defeated whisper and his shoulders fell.
“Do you hate me?” Fern asked reluctantly, not sure she was ready to hear the answer. Her voice was made nasally by the painful lump lodged in her throat and the tears clogging gup her nasal passages. “And the baby?”