Total pages in book: 122
Estimated words: 115706 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 579(@200wpm)___ 463(@250wpm)___ 386(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 115706 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 579(@200wpm)___ 463(@250wpm)___ 386(@300wpm)
Sadly, the time for me to pull out and disentangle my body from hers arrives, far too soon. So, we slide onto the couch and cuddle with our naked limbs intertwined, staring at the moonlit lake through the large windows installed by Grandpa at some point over the past fifteen years.
“That was even better than last night,” Aubrey whispers. “I didn’t think that was possible.”
I caress her back. “Why’d you call me C-Bomb when you asked me to fuck you? On the deck, you said you don’t want to fuck C-Bomb. I’m confused.”
She sighs. “I’m sorry. That was cruel of me.”
“I wouldn’t say cruel. Just confusing.”
“No, trust me, it was cruel. A defense mechanism. A way to push you away and punish myself.”
“Punish yourself? For what?”
Aubrey sighs again. “All day, I’ve been struggling with something, Caleb. Waging a tug of war inside my head about you.”
I hold my breath. “What’d I do?”
“Nothing. It’s all in my head. I wanted you so much last night, I convinced myself it didn’t matter that you’d already slept with my best friend. But today, I couldn’t stop feeling guilty about what I did.”
“Guilty?”
“For stealing my best friend’s crush.”
It’s the last thing I expected to hear. Absolute horseshit.
“Claudia always had a huge crush on you,” Aubrey explains. “Even after she had sex with you. In fact, her crush only got bigger after that.”
Jesus Christ. No wonder Aubrey’s been wigging out today, if this is the kind of batshit-crazy bullshit she’s been thinking about. I put my finger underneath her chin. “Aubrey, listen to me. Claudia didn’t know me. She had a crush on an idea. On C-Bomb. A fantasy she’d built up in her head. And I didn’t know her, either. To me, she was just another pretty face. A groupie who threw herself at me, and I accepted the invitation.”
“How do you know she threw herself at you, if you don’t even remember having sex with her?”
“Because I know I never have sex with anyone, especially on tour, unless it goes down that way.” Aubrey looks skeptical. “It’s true. Whether I’m high, drunk, or sober, I always know not to put myself in a position where someone can claim there was any kind of coercion or persuasion. I’m a high-profile person, Aubrey. I’d rather party with my friends after a show or go back to my room and drink myself into oblivion than mess around with anyone who might claim I did something wrong later on. Unless someone basically throws themselves at me—and I’m talking about them telling me, clearly, they want to fuck me—then I’m never gonna do it.”
Aubrey considers that for a long moment. “Your life sounds really lonely.”
It’s an understatement. “All I’m saying is you’ve got nothing to feel guilty about. No fucking way.”
Aubrey looks out at the lake. “If Claudia were here, I think she’d be furious with me for having sex with you.”
“She’s not here. And if she were, she’d have no claim on me.”
“I’m her best friend, though. There’s this thing called girl code. And I’ve broken it.”
I never saw this coming. Not in a million years. Does this mean Aubrey might put an end to things between us because I fucked someone else, almost three years ago—someone who’s now dead—and I don’t even remember doing it?
I look down at my hands, feeling unexpectedly emotional. For the first time in so long, I actually feel something; and now my past is going to fuck it up for me? “Claudia had sex with my body, once,” I whisper. “Almost three years ago.” I look up. “But you’re the first person to have sex with me, the real me, in almost fifteen years.”
Her lips part in surprise.
“Aubrey, you’re the first person in a very long time to actually make me feel something, and I’d honestly be heartbroken if a few minutes with Claudia, a woman who wanted me as a bucket list item, winds up fucking up my chances with you.”
Aubrey holds eye contact, her chest heaving. “Claudia said you fucked her from behind and never kissed her. That’s why I asked you to do it that way. I wanted to experience you, the same way she did. I wanted to understand how she felt with you, compared to the way I did last night. I wanted to see if I could feel a difference.”
“And?”
Her chest heaves, but she says nothing.
“Look,” I say. “No matter what position I fuck you in, you’re always gonna be Aubrey, and I’m always gonna be Caleb. Which means, no matter what, it’s always gonna be different than anything and everything that’s come before. For me, anyway. That’s the truth.” I didn’t mean to admit all that to her. Didn’t mean to show my cards, this quickly. But something inside me knows, without a doubt, if I don’t fight for Aubrey in this moment, if I don’t tell her the truth about how I’m feeling, I’m going to lose her forever.