Total pages in book: 177
Estimated words: 173392 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 867(@200wpm)___ 694(@250wpm)___ 578(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 173392 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 867(@200wpm)___ 694(@250wpm)___ 578(@300wpm)
Where will I even be?
I don’t want to wait for another man, thinking it will magically get better. I did that with Milo.
And I don’t want to just have fun. I did that with Trace.
I start to pull away. “You should find someone else tonight.”
“Nah, we’re way past that,” he growls, yanking me back.
“I can’t sleep with you.”
His eyes soften, and he almost whispers, “Then just stay with me.”
A knife cuts my heart.
But I also know better. If he gets me in his bed, he knows what will happen.
“What do you think you’re going to get if you get my clothes off?” I ask.
“A pretty picture in my head to take with me.”
“You have plenty of those.”
A bell pierces the air, and I look over to see Trace ringing the brass dinner bell on Mariette’s patio. Someone dumps a bucket of shrimp and mollusks on the newspaper-lined table as people crowd around, grabbing beers out of an ice-filled bin.
Iron takes my face. “I want to get in the car with you and drive to a different fucking view tonight. I want to drive fast enough that the sun never comes up.”
My throat is so tight. “I … I can’t.”
“Smile at me,” he says.
I shake my head, and I don’t smile.
If all he wants is to feel good, he can easily get that from anyone. I’m not going to feel sorry for him.
“Why me?” I ask him.
“Because you’re beautiful,” he tells me. “And cute. And I want you to fuck me so I can stockpile all these memories for when I’m older. So I can think back to when I was young and had a pretty girl in my arms before she saw me get old and ragged and realized she could do better.”
His jaw flexes, but I stay rooted. Rain courses down my legs, my feet sinking into the mud.
“I want you naked in the back seat,” he tells me. “I want to hold you and kiss the rain on your mouth and make the most out of the next few hours.”
He wants to forget. He wants to not think. He just wants to feel.
He doesn’t want me.
“Maybe another time,” I say.
He narrows his eyes, but then Trace comes up and grabs him.
“Iron, come on. Let’s eat. Last meal for—”Iron pushes him away.
Trace stumbles, bracing himself as Iron charges him.
But I jet in front of him, pushing him away from Trace before he can get to him. “Stop it!” I yell at Iron. “Why do you always have to do that?”
“Because I’m fucking stupid!” He glares down at me. “Didn’t you know?”
Trace disappears from my peripheral, but I don’t care if we have an audience. Iron doesn’t need to get laid. He needs a fucking kick in the head.
I get in his face. “You knew you were going to be sent away if you screwed up again. Why didn’t you listen?”
“Look around you, Krisjen!” He throws his arms out. “Nothing to do in this shithole but drink, fuck, and fight.” He backs away. “What the hell do you care? What do you want from me?”
“I want you to stop blowing it off!” I shout, rain spilling over my lips. “Stop acting like you don’t care, because if you don’t, then there’s no reason for you to come back!”
He falls silent, a pained look in his eyes.
I continue. “Because if you’re not going to come home stronger, then you’re just going to be a burden. Because I don’t want you to leave, and I know it’s going to break your heart when you do tomorrow, and I want to fucking acknowledge it!”
His eyes water, but he doesn’t blink. Every inch of him looks like a wall.
I lower my voice just a little, so no one hears but him. “It’s not a shithole,” I tell him. “And Sanoa Bay will be less without you. You should feel bad about leaving them less protected so you don’t do it again.”
He drops his eyes to the ground.
“And because I’ll miss you,” I say.
Slowly, he raises his eyes to Mariette’s and then over to his house as if it’s the first time he’s realizing this is his home, and leaving is one thing, but leaving for prison is a waste. And for what? A stupid bar fight where he attacked a connected frat boy and then resisted arrest on top of it?
He looks like he’s not really in his body as he takes a step back, and then another. He turns and walks to his house.
I feel his brothers’ eyes on me as Iron disappears inside, and I can’t help the guilt that suddenly hits me.
I wasn’t wrong. He needed someone to say it.
But what’s done is done. I don’t want him to leave in the morning feeling worse. Or forgetting the good things he’s going to come back to, either.