Total pages in book: 78
Estimated words: 77341 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 387(@200wpm)___ 309(@250wpm)___ 258(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77341 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 387(@200wpm)___ 309(@250wpm)___ 258(@300wpm)
I turn around as much as possible without tossing us into the water.
He lowers his sunglasses, giving me the privilege of seeing into his eyes. They’re sparkling and beautiful and so clear. If he wants me to see that he’s not hiding anything, it’s working.
“Yet,” I continue, holding his gaze, “I’ve never felt safer.”
He leans forward and carefully, not to freak me out, presses a gentle kiss against my lips.
It’s the sweetest kiss he’s given me yet. It’s also the most powerful. As he pulls away, a realization uncoils deep inside me. It stretches through each part of me and confirms what I was afraid I already knew.
I love him.
How could I not?
I want to tell him those three little words and watch his reaction. I want to tell him the many remarkable qualities about himself that amaze me. I want to explain how it makes me feel when he holds me in his arms or calls me his wife like a trophy.
No one has ever come close to making me feel like Foxx Carmichael does.
Yet I’m afraid to tell him because I don’t want to ruin what we have. Because if this ends tomorrow and Jason picks me up to go home, I want to remember these few days as the best days of my life.
“Do you want to know something ironic?” he asks.
“Sure.”
“While you’ve spent your life trying to be everything to everyone, I’ve spent mine trying not to be anything to anyone.”
My spirits fall. “Why?”
He sighs. “I don’t know, really. It’s a multifaceted issue that probably begins with being the eldest of six kids.”
“As one of the younger ones out of six kids, I’d love to know why.”
“Well, when you’re the oldest, it’s all on you. If your parents aren’t around, you’re tasked with keeping the younger siblings in line. You have to watch your mouth, or they’ll repeat things, and you’ll take the fall. You have to share your stuff. Make them a snack when you get yours.”
I’ve never really thought about that.
“I sort of pulled away in my teenage years because I was just sick of them, to be honest. And then, I went into the military for a while and saw the horrors of the world. I traveled with Mandla. I lost friends who didn’t deserve to die.”
“Foxx, I’m so sorry.”
“Life starts to look like it’s out to fuck you. And the more people you’re close to, the more ways it can bend you over the barrel.”
I hate that he feels this way.
“It makes me sad to think that you spend your life alone,” I say, pulling my hand into the kayak as I spot an alligator. I shiver, trying not to make eye contact with it. I also don’t want to disrupt this moment with Foxx. “You have so much to offer the world. How do you justify sacrificing your life and withholding the gift of you?”
“I share it with the people I want to share it with.”
Chuckling, I put my paddle back in the water to push away from the shrubs. “So, no one, you mean.”
“I’m sharing it with you.”
My body stiffens. I’m not sure what he means by that. Does he mean he’s sharing it with me right now? Today? This week? Until this situation is resolved?
Or does he mean he’s willing to share it with me?
I shake my head, chastising myself for going there when I know better.
“For a long time, I’ve feared losing the people I love,” he says quietly. “I’ve seen the fragility of life. I wake up sometimes in the middle of the night having dreamed that something was happening to someone important to me, and I can’t stop it.”
I frown, my heart aching for him. It must be so hard to live with that kind of fear, but something tells me it’s even harder for him to admit that to me.
“That doesn’t help your desire not to want to be anything to anyone, does it?” I ask.
“No. It doesn’t.” He shifts again. “But do you know what does help?”
“What’s that?”
“You.”
Me? I’m afraid to look at him. If he’s smirking or joking, I might tip this kayak and feed him to the gators. But if he’s not …
“You don’t have to say it back,” he says, his voice wobbling. Oh my God. “But yesterday when—”
“Cut to the chase.”
He laughs.
The air gets warmer. Thicker. Stickier. I can barely breathe.
“Say it, Foxx.”
He laughs harder.
My hand shakes around the paddle. “Why are you laughing?”
“What are you doing, Bianca?”
I scoot around in my seat until I face him. The lines around his eyes aren’t the severe ones that usually develop when he’s irritated or furious. This time, they’re crinkled in a different way. Out of happiness, maybe.
The look on his face steals my breath. The dark, mysterious Foxx Carmichael looks relaxed and entertained. I can barely process it.