Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 89012 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 445(@200wpm)___ 356(@250wpm)___ 297(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 89012 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 445(@200wpm)___ 356(@250wpm)___ 297(@300wpm)
“Gee, thanks.”
“Here. Twirl.”
She spritzes perfume in the air. I twirl just to make her happy and don’t think about Maddox twirling me in the Bahamas.
Everything reminds me of him.
“All right.” She peers over me like I’m the subject of a study. “Do something with your hair.”
“I don’t want to.”
“You need to put it up.”
“If I’m going to embarrass you, leave me here.”
We glare at each other. I think she’s going to bite my head off, but she doesn’t.
“Fine.”
She glances at her phone. “We better get ready. I’m going to grab a drink—I’m so dehydrated today—then we’ll go.”
Okay …
I take another peek in the mirror. Damn, I look terrible. My face is pale. Bags have taken up shop under my eyes. My hair looks like a rat’s nest despite the brush.
It only takes a few seconds to get it into a bun. Better.
The doorbell rings as I grab my purse off the chair.
“Can you get that? I’m peeing!” Sara yells.
I thought she was getting a drink? “Yeah.” She probably doesn’t even know what dehydrated means. Dehydrated people don’t pee much—oh shit.
Maddox stands in the doorway wearing my favorite black button-up. His hands are shoved in his front pockets, and he watches me carefully.
Sara squeezes by. “Fairy godmother is going to head out.”
“You set me up,” I tell her.
“He was coming regardless. I just made sure you were presentable. I take thank-yous in the form of gift cards to the salon.”
She blows me a kiss, winks at Maddox, and practically jogs away—in heels.
Maddox and I face each other. The air between us swirls as if it’s pressing us closer.
“Do you want to come in?” I ask softly.
He steps inside, and I close the door behind him.
I feel alive for the first time in days. It’s awash in a nervousness that threatens to make me vomit, but it’s feeling, nonetheless.
His chartreuse eyes, the ones that I love so much, search me so deeply that I wonder if he can see my soul.
“I wasn’t sure if you’d let me in,” he says sheepishly.
“You know I wouldn’t turn you away.” How could I? “How have you been?”
“Shitty. You?”
“Shittier.”
We exchange a grin. Relief begins to loosen my muscles.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m sorry for drifting away from you like I promised you I wouldn’t. I’m sorry I made you feel like you were optional in my life. I’m sorry I ever thought that taking a pause was the right answer.”
Gingerly, I take his hand. As soon as we touch, he clamps his palm around my fingers.
I dip my chin and lead him into the living room. We sit on the sofa, closer than the last time we sat together.
He strokes the ring on my finger—the beautiful conch shell piece that I haven’t been able to take off. It gives me so much hope—reminds me of so much goodness—when I look at it that I can’t part with it.
“I’m sorry too,” I say. “I should have been wise enough to see through my own bullshit. Instead of leaning into you, I pulled away. I pulled away like it wasn’t working when it’s the only thing that has ever worked.”
“Loving you scares the shit out of me,” he says. “I would do anything for you. Anything. You’re … an extension of me somehow. I can’t explain it. If you aren’t with me, I don’t feel like I’m all there.”
Tears tickle the corners of my eyes. “I understand. I feel that too.”
“Here’s the thing—I guess it might not always be good. It’s going to get hard like it is now. But going through the hard with you is so much better than going through it alone.”
“I thought about being single for a while.”
He narrows his eyes.
“I thought that maybe I needed it. Maybe it would help me learn who I am. Maybe I needed to be alone to figure out what makes me happy. But I don’t.” I grin at him. “You make me happy. When I’m with you, it’s like the sun is up. And even when I’m in a ditch, no matter how deep, as long as you’re in it too, we can hold each other until the sun rises again.”
His brows pull together. “Have you been hanging out with Banks behind my back?”
I burst out laughing. “No. Why?”
“No reason.” He grins, his posture releasing some of the stress he walked in carrying. “So what are you saying? We’re going deep ditching together?”
The smile on my face feels like a miracle. I laugh freely, happily. I’d almost forgotten what this felt like.
“Deep ditching?” he repeats. “No offense, but what the fuck is that, Ash?”
“My mom was all philosophical, and she was talking about the sun and ditches and volcanoes.” I shrug. “She lost me a little, but I think the ditches are the problems in life. And you can’t lie in them and wallow. You have to wait for the sun to rise and then climb out.”