Total pages in book: 115
Estimated words: 109783 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 549(@200wpm)___ 439(@250wpm)___ 366(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 109783 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 549(@200wpm)___ 439(@250wpm)___ 366(@300wpm)
“Don’t,” Pamela whispered on a sob. “Please … I can’t.”
Concern pierced my fury. “Maybe you should talk to someone, Pamela? Before you make any big decisions.”
“I don’t want it. Send me the document. I’ll sign what you want.”
“One, call Millie ‘it’ again and we’ll have a problem. Two, Pamela … you don’t sound all right. I think you should talk to someone before you make this decision. Please.”
“Not every woman wants to be a mother. I just didn’t realize that until … until she came along. I’m not built that way, Fyfe. And I don’t … I don’t want to hurt … her.” Her sniffling filled the line.
Seething, I replied quietly, “If you sign over your rights now, that’s it. If you abandon her now, I won’t let you near her in the future if you change your mind. And if you take me to court for custody, I will produce this document and the footage of you abandoning your daughter on my doorstep where she sat in the cold for twenty minutes on her own. That’s the man I am. So think carefully that this is what you want … because if you change your mind later, I will fight with everything I have to keep my daughter from you.”
“I won’t want her in the future.”
Hurt and pain and indignation on Millie’s behalf moved through me in a shudder. It took me a second to squeeze the words out around the feelings. “She’ll have a beautiful life without you. I’ll make sure of it.”
“I know you will.”
“I need her birth certificate.”
“I … I left it behind.”
Shaking my head, I exhaled slowly. “Fine. I’ll apply for a new certificate. Please tell me I’m on there as the father?”
“You are. Her … her legal name on the certificate is Millicent Moray.”
She gave her my surname. I assumed then Pamela knew there was no chance anyone else could have been the father.
“I, uh, I named her after my granny. She was the only person who … well, it seemed right to name her for my granny.”
I heard what she didn’t say. And if she’d given Millie a name that meant something to her … “Pamela, we don’t have to decide this right now,” I repeated. “Why don’t you take time to think about it?”
“No! I’m not going to change my mind. I’ll sign the document as soon as I receive it.”
Fine.
“You’ll have it by end of day.” I hung up. I’d say the woman I’d just spoken to didn’t resemble the woman I’d had an affair with, but the sad truth was, I didn’t know anything about Pamela before this. It really had just been sex between us.
Pulling myself out of the memory of yesterday’s conversation, I turned off Castle Street, heading toward the doctors’ office. “I was thinking we could surprise Auntie Eilidh—”
“Ae!” Millie interrupted me.
“—after we visit the doctor. Maybe stop in to see Auntie Callie at the bakery and get something delicious to thank Auntie Eilidh—”
“Ae!”
I stared at my daughter in the rearview mirror.
“Eilidh,” I repeated.
Millie smiled big and beaming, showing off her incoming two front teeth top and bottom. “Ae!”
Was she trying to say Eilidh?
“Eilidh.”
“Ae!”
Chuckling to myself, I pulled into the car park at the doctors’ office. I couldn’t wait to tell Eils about it. This morning my solicitor faxed over the signed document from Pamela. It didn’t fill me with the relief I’d hoped for. Instead, though I could tell Pamela was going through something, I still felt furious with her for so easily giving up her child. Moreover, the document held no true meaning under the law in Scotland. A parent couldn’t just give up parental rights and responsibilities. It was up to the courts to decide that. So, if one day Pamela did change her mind, I would have to fight to keep Millie.
I tried not to let that thought scare the shit out of me.
After the phone call with Pamela, I’d gone home to find Eilidh with Millie. I’d told Eils everything. She’d wisely advised I take one day at a time. Then she’d said something so profound, it rocked me.
“None of this can be about you or Pamela. This is about Millie. Even if Pamela was to show up tomorrow or next month or in ten years, you can’t let the fear of that stop you from loving Millie with everything inside you. You’re her father. It’s your job to make sure that her life is the best it can be, even knowing one day your heart might break from loving her.”
With Eilidh’s words of wisdom settled deep inside, that’s what I intended to do.
It took me a minute to transfer Millie from her car seat to the baby carrier looped around my shoulders. Once I had her warm weight nestled against me, I locked the car.