Total pages in book: 116
Estimated words: 107673 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 538(@200wpm)___ 431(@250wpm)___ 359(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 107673 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 538(@200wpm)___ 431(@250wpm)___ 359(@300wpm)
What happened now? With the way my heart thundered and darkness crept into my vision’s edge, I began taking deep gulps of breath to stave off the pending hyperventilation.
Seeing Dash running toward me with tears in his eyes broke my heart more than anything else. Thankfully, my mom had gone after him. She’d give Dash comfort. She was just that way.
With zero emotional support to cling to, I was returning to a life I no longer wanted.
Beau
“I shouldn’t have let you leave. I messed up,” my father said, staring at me from his rearview mirror. I refused to look up. Instead I did the exact opposite, bending to stare at the floorboard. “When you quit football, it never occurred to me that you were havin’ queer tendencies. Then it all clicked in place. I did this to protect you. Being queer ain’t no way to live your life. It’ll only cause you pain. If you’d’ve talked to me, I could’ve helped you navigate all this. Curiosity’s normal for any kid. You aren’t the only one I’ve had to help over the years.”
Since I hated that man, I refused to appreciate the gentle tone he used in his horrible explanation. Honestly, I expected him to be kicking my ass all the way to Alabama.
“You’re too much like me not to be angry as hell right now,” he said. “I haven’t shared this with anyone except my girlfriend. She lives with me and plans to help get you right again. I’ve spoken with the pastors at The Rock church. They’ve offered a few avenues to help your recovery. We’ll start with the easy way then progress as necessary. I’ve designed a strict schedule to get you focused and ready to play again. That, and I’ve put you in harder AP courses in school. No more breezin’ through life. Everything I’ve done will help keep your mind occupied. You’re also startin’ counseling a few times a week. Not with one of those feel-good therapists. We’re gonna target this head-on. You’ll get past it. Got it?”
Of course I didn’t respond; I was barely hanging on.
“If you’re a jerk about it, I promise it’ll be harder on you. A man needs to be with a woman. That’s the way it was intended. The counselor’s gonna help you learn the tools to cope with your urges. Eventually, you’ll figure it out, I promise you.”
I let go of an unsteady breath and continued to stare at my tennis shoes. “What’s gonna happen to Mom?”
“You’ll have supervised visitation once she meets with your counselor, but that’s gonna be damned difficult with her so far away. Until then, she can call once a week. Those calls will be monitored too. She’s let shit happen under her watch that shouldn’t have happened, per the court’s emergency ruling. There’s also no communication with that kid you were with, got it? You initiate a conversation or try to maintain any sort of relationship, there will be significant repercussions. You hear me?”
Anger raged through me so intensely my mind and body went numb. My fingers trembled. I slammed my forehead against the back of the front seat. I’d tasted a life of freedom. I wasn’t going back.
“Challenge me on this and find out, buddy.” His sympathetic tone turned harder and unyielding. “You better get used to the idea of spendin’ all your time with me. When you were little, you wanted me and you to move through life together. I abided by your wishes. Do you know how many offers I’ve turned down from the NFL in order to stay home with you? I’m damn sure not gonna let a bunch of hormones get in our way.”
Why did he always tie me to something I supposedly said when I was four years old?
And whatever. He’d never turn down the NFL. That was a lie.
He turned up the radio, signaling an end to our conversation. At the same time, I felt the vibration of my phone in the pocket of my cargo shorts. I glanced at my father who hadn’t seemed to notice. The first chance I got, I had to turn it off to better help hide it and save the battery. If he found the phone, I’d never be allowed to keep it.
A world that Dash had turned bright dimmed back into the state of oppression I’d always lived under. A tear slipped down my cheek, already mourning the life I was leaving behind.
After consuming more beer than I’d ever seen him drink, more than he used to drink in a week, my father passed out hard. The remote control tumbled off his belly onto the king-sized mattress in a motel approximately six hours from Mobile.
I was relegated to the other side of the mattress, with one wrist cuffed to the headboard as a consequence of all the sneaking out I had done over the years. That was another thing I apparently had to get used to. I feigned sleep almost immediately after arriving. I needed the rest because I’d start conditioning and training the minute we arrived home tomorrow. He claimed I’d grown emotionally and physically soft since I’d left his care.