Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 100275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 501(@200wpm)___ 401(@250wpm)___ 334(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 501(@200wpm)___ 401(@250wpm)___ 334(@300wpm)
When I open the bathroom door, Maren ascends the last few stairs, carrying her boots in one hand and her purse in the other. “Hey! I’m surprised you’re still here.”
“I leave in the morning.” I tighten the towel around my waist.
“Lucky.” Her nose wrinkles. “I’m swapping out clothes and leaving in an hour.”
“Have you seen Will lately?”
She shakes her head. “I always miss him. You?”
“No. But he messaged me, asking me if I knew anyone who might want to rent the shed before he posts it online.”
“I don’t know why he’s so anxious to rent it. I might decide to move back out there.” She grins. “Anyhoo, I have to get going. See you on the other side of the smoke.” She starts to shuffle past me and holds out her hand.
I high-five her. “See you on the other side.”
She halts. Her hand grabs my wrist and lifts my arm a few inches.
I narrow my eyes at her for a second before following her gaze along my bare chest.
The tattoo.
“Don’t jump to any stupid conclusions,” I say.
Her gaze inches up my body. Lips parted. Eyes unblinking. And I swear the blood’s drained from her face.
“I lost a bet with the guys.”
Maren still doesn’t blink.
“So I had to get a tattoo of their choosing. Therefore, knowing I have no interest in ever being in a relationship, they chose this stupid thing to make it look like I have someone. I’m thinking of getting a female dog just to prove them wrong. How do you think Will would feel about a dog?”
If I didn’t know better, I’d say she has tears in her eyes.
“Maren, what is it?”
“I think . . .” She swallows hard.
Not since her brother died have I seen her look this lost and disoriented.
“Maren, you’re worrying me.”
“I think Will is going to be angry.”
“If I get a dog?”
Her gaze lowers to my tattoo again. “He’s going to be angry that you broke the rules.”
“What are you talking about?”
She knows. I don’t know how, but she does. However, I’m not handing her one damn thing. If she does know, she’ll have to say the words.
“I’ve never cared that you’ve been hell bent on living a bachelor’s life for eternity. Marriage and babies aren’t for everyone. And I honestly believed you were incapable of that kind of love.” She blinks up at me. “But, Calvin Fitzgerald, you fell in love with Jamie. And she fell in love with you. And you . . .” Her eyes narrow as she slowly shakes her head. “You let her go. You found love. And. Let. Her. Go.”
I can lie to Maren when I think the lie will do less harm than the truth. I no longer know if I have an accurate version of the truth. Is my truth the same as Jamie’s? “We’re friends. Close friends.”
“Did you sleep with your close friend?” She doesn’t blink, but I’m sure all the previous suspicious incidents (close calls) are replaying in her mind. She’s known the answer without really knowing the answer.
“Yes,” I whisper.
“Do you love her?”
“Yes.”
Maren’s lips part with a tiny gasp. She didn’t expect that answer.
Neither did I.
“Fitz, what are you doing?” Her voice is soft but laced with pain. “You were put on this earth to do more than fight fires. I’d give anything to find someone who made me want to risk losing my home. Losing my friends. Losing everything. That kind of love is a goddamn gift. You don’t let her walk away.”
I won’t give Maren a knee-jerk reaction. Instead, I hold on to my words to ensure they’re the right ones. I let her see the sincerity in my eyes. And then I hope . . . I really hope she understands enough to respect my decision. “You’re right. She is a gift—just not mine.” I rest my hand on her shoulder briefly before heading to my bedroom. “Have a safe flight, Mare.”
“I’m not going to tell Will. What’s the point?” she says.
I stop with my back to her.
“You’re not the easiest guy to like. You’re reserved and cut off from most other people. Jamie’s not stupid. She’s a beautiful, kind, and intelligent woman who could have her choice of men. Yet she fell in love with you. I do not doubt that you never led her to believe it would go anywhere. You’re too broken.”
I wince.
“So that means she likes you, Fitz. She likes you enough to take you any way she can get you. She didn’t die. She moved to California. Be her friend. Reward her for leaving you by giving her whatever part of yourself you can. She doesn’t actually have to be yours for you to love her.”
Fitz: Know of any good salves for burn scars?
I make an effort. It’s foreign to me. I don’t know what a genuine effort should look like. And I’m scared out of my fucking mind that I’m leading her to think we can be more than friends.