Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 84227 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84227 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
An asshole who could be my father.
We made dinner together and then watched a movie. I kept my gun—not my police-issue firearm, but the one I was licensed for—in the lockbox on the table beside us. I was likely overreacting, but I wasn’t taking any chances. My fellow officers were also planning on doing some drive-bys throughout the night, even though my place was out of the way.
When the movie was over, Kellan was playing texting games with Josh back and forth, so I went to take a shower. I appreciated how much Josh cared about Kell, and it had been nice to be on the same page with him earlier, especially now that he seemed to realize what Kellan meant to me, as well.
Once I was clean, I dried off and wrapped a towel around my waist. When I stepped out of the bathroom, I saw Kellan was lying on my bed in a pair of sleep pants and a shirt. He’d turned off the lights other than the lamp on the bedside table, and Christ, did he look right in my bed. It was where he belonged, where he’d always belonged.
“You’re looking at me like you want to devour me, but there’s something else too. You’re sad,” Kellan said, and he was right, so fucking right.
“It’s been a long day.” I couldn’t believe it was only that morning that he’d been shaving me and things had seemed so fucking perfect.
“Come here,” Kellan told me. I tossed my towel into the laundry basket and crawled into bed with him.
“How are you? Are you okay, being here?”
He cuddled in beside me, his head in the crook of my arm. “I feel a little weird, if I’m being honest. But I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to let them win.”
Fuck, I loved him. He was so strong. I kissed the top of his head. “Yeah, that’s how I feel too.”
“Why are you so sad? I mean, there’s the obvious, of course, but it feels like more than that.”
Maybe it should have shocked me that Kellan saw me, really saw me and what I was feeling in ways I didn’t think anyone could, but it didn’t. There was a part of me that wondered how I didn’t always know that this was where I belonged, with him. Hell, maybe I did. Maybe that was why I ran.
“I hate that this happened to you…that it happened to us. That they took our moment and made it public. I want to know who did it. It’s eating me alive. I’ve got this sick feeling in my gut that I can’t get rid of. What if we don’t like the answer we find?”
“I think that no matter who it is, we’re not going to like the answer we find.”
The pause stretched out between us as I tried to push the question free. “What if it’s my father?” I made myself ask.
“Do you really think that’s a possibility?” His brows pulled together.
Honestly, there wasn’t much of anything I would put past him. “We’d fought. He hates me, Kell. He said some awful things.”
“Oh, Chase. I’m sorry.” He kissed my chest, my collarbone. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Yeah,” I replied softly. “I’m sorry too.” Because it felt like my fault, all of it somehow did, and if my father had anything to do with any of this, I didn’t see how we got past that. And even more importantly, I hated how it would hurt Kellan and Griff. I could deal with my own pain, but the thought of theirs was tearing me up inside.
“No matter what we find, you know none of this is your fault, right?”
I danced my fingers along the smooth skin of his shoulder. Goose bumps followed my touch, and I watched them.
“Chase, you know that, right?” Kellan asked again.
“Yeah, sure. Of course.”
His hold on me tightened, and damn, did he feel good there. I had no doubts that it was exactly where he belonged. “I thought about you a lot…after that night. The one on the couch. I thought about you over the years, wondered why I couldn’t shake it, ya know? I didn’t really let myself think about what it meant, that I couldn’t forget one messy blowjob.”
I said that last part in a teasing voice, and Kellan caught on and playfully pinched my side. “Hey! Be nice. It was my first one, and I was freaking out because it was with the boy I was secretly in love with.”
Christ, it felt good to hear that. I didn’t think I’d ever get tired of hearing Kellan say he loved me.
“Plus, I’m a whole lot better at it now.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, you are. And it may have been messy, but it was memorable. Like I said, I’d think about it…think about you. I’d ask Griff how you were doing and wondered if you ever thought about it too.” Kellan had always been beneath my skin, had a piece of my heart. It had just taken me too long to fit the puzzle together myself.