Total pages in book: 171
Estimated words: 170885 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 854(@200wpm)___ 684(@250wpm)___ 570(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 170885 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 854(@200wpm)___ 684(@250wpm)___ 570(@300wpm)
I suck in a deep breath. “Get out of my life, Nikolai.”
“The answer is no.”
“I want you gone.”
“It’s still no.”
“Do you have no pride?”
“What the fuck is that? Is it edible?”
I release an exasperated sound. “I don’t know why the hell you’re obsessed with me, but I’m telling you that it’s impossible. I’m not gay.”
He bursts out laughing, the sound scraping at the edges of my sanity, and I want to reach out to stop it, but I can’t move.
Shut up.
Shut the fuck up—
“Not gay?” he sneers at me. “Baby, you came three times on my hand, mouth, and fucking fingers. You choked on my cock and came because of a mere prostate fucking. If that isn’t gay, I don’t know what is.”
“Stop talking,” I grit out, trying to fight the pounding in my head.
I need to leave before he sees me for the ugly monster I actually am.
“What the—” He snatches my hand, and for a fraction of a second, I feel like the world is tilting back on its axis.
I inhale his mint scent and spit out disgusting nausea until my stomach settles back down.
Nikolai inspects the plaster on my forearm. “What happened to your arm?”
“It’s just a scratch.” I try to retrieve it, but he tightens his grip on my wrist. Over the watch I never remove.
He narrows his eyes. “Why do you seem to get hurt a lot? The other day, it was your hand, and this time, your arm. You don’t strike me as clumsy.”
I watch his hair flying in the wind and I hate that the only urge I have is to touch it, run my fingers through it.
But I can’t.
Wanting him is a painful struggle. Wanting him is ripping a hole in the very marrow of my existence and making me question everything.
I can’t afford to question everything.
I need my system and routines, and he simply does not belong there.
He’s an error in the matrix.
A plot hole in a story.
“Why do you want me, Nikolai?” I ask instead of answering his question. “We’re nothing alike—I’m too proper for your liking. You’re too violent for my preferences. So why are you this obsessed with me?”
“Do I need a reason?”
“Of course you do.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. I don’t need a reason to want you, lotus flower. I just do. And if you put a pause on the useless thoughts cramming that head of yours, you’ll also admit that you just want me, too. Simple. Normal.”
“You don’t even know me.”
“I know you’re such a gentleman and you love running at the same time every day. I also know you’re different from your psycho twin brother and have a good relationship with everyone. Except for Clara, because she’s finally out of the fucking picture, but here’s the most important part.” He smirks. “I also know you love kissing me.”
“I do not.”
“Wanna prove it?”
“Don’t…” I slam a hand to his mouth and he kisses my palm, then licks my fingers, thrusting his tongue between them.
I jerk my arm away. “Why the hell would you lick me? Are you a dog?”
“Woof.” He grins and I can’t even muster the emotions to be mad at him.
Bloody wanker is mental.
“Is there a way I can get rid of you?” I ask, my shoulders hunching.
“If I die, maybe. Scratch that, I’ll haunt the fuck out of you until you join me, my Prince Charming. Then we can have a fuck fest in ghost land.”
“You need help.”
“Then help me, baby.”
I release a groan of frustration, but I can hear my walls cracking and a door opens despite my attempts to slam it shut.
All this time, I’ve refused the very notion that I’m attracted to him. But last night proved me terribly wrong.
I could blame the alcohol or him, but that only worked the first time. Barely.
Pushing him away is futile since he’s a fucking elastic band that keeps snapping back twice as hard.
If I want to remain in control, I need to absorb him into my system. Take things into my own hands. Get bored. Toss him aside.
The end.
A grunt leaves me and he watches me closely as if he’s attempting to read my mind.
I can’t believe I’m doing this.
“If this happens, and it’s only an if.” I meet his gaze. “No one knows.”
“Not even Jeremy?”
“No.”
“Not even your sister? She’s all cozy with Kill and we get along.”
“No one.”
His lips push in a pout. “Okay.”
“We’ll only meet in a place no one else knows about.”
“My penthouse. I bought it recently and still haven’t told anyone else about it.”
“Except for Clara.”
“You still jealous about that?”
“I’m not jealous.”
“Whatever floats your boat, my lotus flower.”
“Nikolai.”
“Yes, baby?”
“Don’t call me any of those nicknames in front of anyone else. Don’t act like you know me in public.”
“But why? I want to hang out with you.”
“I don’t. We’re not friends and this is only physical.”