Total pages in book: 135
Estimated words: 125422 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 627(@200wpm)___ 502(@250wpm)___ 418(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 125422 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 627(@200wpm)___ 502(@250wpm)___ 418(@300wpm)
“You did live here briefly.”
“I did, back when my parents first split.”
“And now, your mother is the one responsible for bringing all of the realm to its demise. That must be very complicated for you.”
She exhales heavily, her fingers grasping one of the dresses, a blackish blue. “It is, but it’s also helpful to not think of her as my mother. It’s better for me to think of her as Louhi.”
“You worry about how much of her is in you. You worry what she thinks of you. You worry that, in the end, you won’t matter to her at all, that maybe you never did.”
She turns around and gives me a tired look.
“You worry too much,” I finish. “What good has worrying ever done?”
The corner of her lip curls up. “Oh, if only the old you could hear you now.”
“She worried a lot?” Hanna already feels like someone else, a human I was once close to instead of myself.
“Like it was an addiction,” she says with a laugh.
“She musn’t have been very happy.”
Lovia stops laughing, her gaze turning soft. “Actually, I think she was.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
DEATH
All around me, horror slowly reveals itself. The wounded cry out, smoke billowing from the festering remains of Old Gods, soldiers weeping openly for their fallen comrades as snow falls on the dead. My friends and allies are trying to figure what to do next, looking to me for guidance, but my attention has already been stolen.
All I can do is think about Hanna.
Lovia took her into the castle to get her changed, no doubt into one of Louhi’s dresses. I’m not sure how that makes me feel—my wife wearing my ex-wife’s clothing—but it’s better than Hanna being naked all the time while hundreds of troops leer at her.
Not that I can blame them. To see her appear so suddenly, her body on display, brought too many primal urges to the forefront. I acutely remember the feel of her beneath my bare hands, the carnal way she submitted to me, the raw pleasure in her eyes as she came time and time again. Sometimes, she looked at me like I was her lover, sometimes her God, often times both, and it was in those intimate moments that I came to know how much she meant to me.
And seeing her before me in a way I only knew, I realized I never had the chance to tell her any of that, not before it was too late.
Because now, she’s a stranger to me, and I’m a stranger to her.
And my brittle heart is slowly breaking, one hardened piece at a time.
“Lord Death,” one of the soldiers says.
I look over at him. He’s holding his hat between his hands, his face marred by blood and dirt, his eyes heavy. “General Pekka is dead. Who should take over his command?”
I saw the general’s gruesome death from my vantage point. I’ve been trying not to think about it. He was young and he trusted me. Everyone here did.
“What’s your name?” I ask.
“Captain Suvari.”
I pat him on the shoulder. “You’re General Suvari now.” I gesture toward the gathering of Gods. “Time to convene with the others about our next steps. I’ll make sure Lovia joins you shortly.”
But as I step into the castle, I don’t seek out Hanna or Lovia right away. I need a moment to think.
I head to the room I’ve been using as my chambers and bar the door behind me. Then, I sit on the corner of the bed, ripping my mask off in a sudden rage and tossing it so hard, it shatters against the wall. That was stupid. I had Tellervo make it for me and it was the only one I had here.
But wearing that mask never did me any good, not in this new realm.
I exhale heavily and put my head in my hands as I try to think.
This was only the first battle, and yet we have lost so much.
The only reason we won is because Hanna saved us in the end.
What happens next time?
Hanna could destroy the Old Gods, but could she destroy Rangaista? Could she destroy Louhi and all her black magic? Salainen? Even with that win, can we count on her?
Do I want to count on her?
The more she uses her powers, the further away from her humanity she becomes, but right now, all I want is to bring her back to the way she was, the way we knew each other. It’s terribly selfish, I know.
But I am a selfish God.
I let out a ragged sigh, my heart water-logged. Sitting alone in my room isn’t going to help anything. I can’t hide from my wife. It’s my job to make her remember she’s my queen.
I get up and leave the room, about to head up the stairs, when I run into Lovia.