Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83908 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83908 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
He settles down, lying on the bed similarly to how I am, phone propped, Hayes on his side and looking at me. “Something kinda weird happened.”
Worry rushes the word, “What?” from my mouth. If that motherfucker Malcolm said or did something to him, I’ll fucking kill him.
“When I was acting like a Rylan Pierce cheerleader, they mentioned going to a game. Then they seemed to remember that it was at a Rebels game where this whole thing started. It was like…it’s hard to explain. They immediately felt bad and started saying that maybe next year would be better and stuff like that. It’s a small thing, but it made me feel something. I don’t know. This sounds dumb. I’m going to shut up.”
“No, don’t. Keep going. Talk to me.” I love it when he does this, when Hayes trusts me. It’s not something he gives to many people. It makes me feel special, like even if he isn’t starting to have feelings for me the way I am him, that our relationship is still important to him. It means something to him.
“I’m not sure what to say. I think…I felt supported…like I was part of a team. Like there was something they wanted to do, but they didn’t want to do it without me, and then they realized it might hurt me, so they chose as a group not to do it. I don’t want them to miss out on something because of me, but it felt good. Maybe they’ll just end up going without me and I’m turning this into something it’s not.”
Jesus, this man. How did he go his whole life without having these kinds of connections, when he’s so special and feels so much.
“You’re not talking,” Hayes says after a few moments.
“Just thinking about how much I like you, and obviously they do too. They care about you. They see how awesome you are, is all.”
“I’m sure that’s not—”
“It is,” I cut him off.
“Okay.” Hayes nods slowly.
“You gonna come over when I get home?”
“Don’t I always come over when you’re home?” He grins.
“We should head down to the beach. I know we can’t do things publicly, but that stretch of water is private. Do you like the ocean?”
“I do. It’s scary, though. I don’t normally go in past my knees.”
I wink. “I’ll protect you.”
“You’ve got a great body, but I don’t think it’s a match for a shark.”
“But I have these.” I maneuver myself so I can make my pecs move again, and Hayes laughs.
I don’t mean to let it, but a yawn slips out.
“I hate it when you’re bruised,” he says, looking at my chest.
“You can kiss them better when I get home.”
We talk for a few more minutes, and despite trying to hold it back, I yawn again. I don’t want to get off this call, but if I don’t, I’m going to fall asleep on him. “I’m exhausted. I should go.”
“But we didn’t…”
No, we didn’t, and as much as I love sex with him, even video sex, I don’t need it tonight. What’s going on between us, at least on my end, is about more than just hoping he’ll give me good luck on the ice. “That’s okay. Next time.”
Hayes cocks his head. “Are you sure?”
“Yep. Night, baby.”
“Good night, Rylan.”
I end the call, knowing I’m so incredibly fucked.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Hayes
I’m not proud of the fact that I don’t have the whole self-esteem thing figured out. People like to pretend it’s so easy, or as if you must have a reason for everything, but really, even before Malcolm, I lacked in that department. It’s part of why Malcolm was able to do what he did to me. The rest of it was because he’s an asshole who likes hurting people, but I digress. Back to the self-esteem. The truth is, I can’t stop obsessing over Rylan and I not having sex on our video call, and a not-so-quiet voice in my head tells me it’s because he doesn’t need me anymore, that he’s realized the math isn’t mathing and thinks their win-loss record would be the same without me. It’s not like they never lose a game and maybe he’s lost interest.
That should be okay with me. Sure, I still haven’t topped yet, but we’ve had lots of sex. I’m much more experienced now, so I should be able to take that knowledge out into the world and show other men everything I’ve learned. I shiver. The thought of Rylan and I ending this early makes me feel cold inside.
Makes me feel alone.
Which is not what’s supposed to happen. At all.
This is supposed to be easy, and I’m not sure it is.
But then I remember his soft baby before we got off our video call. That’s my sex name, and we weren’t having sex. Hearing that made tendrils of excitement curl in my gut while also making me want to run as far and as fast as I can. Letting myself fall for Rylan isn’t an option. All I would do is get hurt, and after Malcolm, I don’t know how to risk that.