Total pages in book: 133
Estimated words: 134598 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 673(@200wpm)___ 538(@250wpm)___ 449(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 134598 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 673(@200wpm)___ 538(@250wpm)___ 449(@300wpm)
And she wasn’t going to. She didn’t feel that sense of self-loathing toward herself. As though she wasn’t good enough. Or that she had messed up.
Taking a deep breath in, she let it out slowly. “Normally, this helps.”
“Being in here? With your blanket?”
“Y-yes. But I need L-Lady and my pacifier.”
“I’ll get them for you, baby. They’re out here.” He got up and she let out a small whimper.
Where did that noise come from? Why had she made it? He wasn’t going far, just out into her bedroom.
She was being foolish.
“Sorry.”
His gaze narrowed. “Do not say sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about. Understand me?”
She nodded. He returned quickly with Lady and her pacifier. Crouching, he slid her pacifier into her mouth. But she still didn’t feel better. She needed something more.
But could she do it?
Could she let go with him? The pressure was building inside, and she was scared that if she just continued on like this that she would do something stupid.
But asking for help was almost an unknown for her.
“What else can I do, baby?”
Tell him. Just tell him.
What is the worst that could happen?
He could reject her. And that would hurt.
A lot.
“Whatever it is, I want to give it to you. The only thing I won’t do is harm you or leave you.”
Tell him.
Be brave.
Her stomach was dancing with nerves as she drew the pacifier from her mouth. “I need to forget everything for a while.”
“We can do that. Would you like to come watch a movie? Read a book?”
She shook her head and he studied her for a long moment.
“Would you like to forget another way?”
Cate nodded.
“With me taking over?”
Now, he was getting it. Or close to it.
“Or by Daddy taking over?” he said slowly.
Ding-ding.
She nodded.
“All right, baby.” He cupped the side of her face. “We can do that.”
“I don’t know if I can, though. I’ve never given in to my Little side unless it’s after a night terror. I don’t know how to . . . I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“That’s all right, because I do,” he told her.
Right. He knew what he was doing.
She didn’t have to know because he did. Her breathing came easier.
“And you have been letting your Little side out in small ways. Sitting in here with Lady and sucking on your pacifier, for instance. Deep inside, your Little is there. You just have to relax those barriers and let her out. All right?”
That was the problem.
“You know what you’re agreeing to if Daddy is in charge, right? Just want to make things clear. Daddy will be in control of everything. What you do, what you eat and wear, your discipline.”
She gulped.
“I’m not going to set you up to fail,” he reassured her. “I’m not going to make you eat things you don’t like or make you do something you won’t like. But I will correct any bad behavior as I see fit. So are you prepared for that?”
“There’s no safeword?”
“No, baby. Shit. There is always a safeword. Always. You have the ultimate control. I just wanted things to be clear, first.”
God. It was hard. She just wanted him to take over. To . . . to force her. But that wasn’t fair on him. Was it?
That meant she could blame him if things went wrong. Could use that to push him away.
She had to remember his needs and feelings.
“I understand.”
A huge smile filled his face, making her smile in return.
“Come on. I have a few ideas we can try.” He lifted her up and into his arms. Then, holding her against his body, he walked her out into the living room.
“Good girl for asking for Daddy’s help,” he murmured to her as he sat her on the sofa. “Daddy is going to take good care of you.”
All right. Maybe this was going to work.
38
This wasn’t working.
What was wrong with her? The more she tried . . . the more tense she grew.
And the more she hated herself for being so defective.
Ethan was trying so hard too. He’d managed to scrounge up some highlighters and a few colored pens. With some blank pages of paper, he’d drawn her some pictures to color.
But she’d only managed a few minutes before she’d been too self-conscious to continue on. It just . . . it wasn’t working for her.
Then he’d set her up a water station outside with bowls and water and soap. But she’d just ended up with cold hands and wet clothes, and she’d had to go change.
He’d decided to put on a cartoon. But she’d stared at the cartoon in confusion, not really understanding the point.
This was silly. When he came back from the bathroom, she was going to tell him there was no point.
She couldn’t do this.
Tears filled her eyes and she blinked them back. It wasn’t Ethan’s fault.