Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 69910 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 350(@200wpm)___ 280(@250wpm)___ 233(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 69910 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 350(@200wpm)___ 280(@250wpm)___ 233(@300wpm)
My heart gets super tight thinking about that, and fear shoots through me like jagged little pinpricks of ice.
“Yup, I do have a skunk as a pet,” Apollo says.
“And you live in a mushroom,” Will adds.
“We do live in a mushroom.” I don’t miss the word ‘we.’ He’s including me. This man, who is still so down to earth and grounded no matter how much money he has. This man, who was willing to fight for me. “We have a great pool outside. Would you like me to show it to you? We could have lunch right after.”
Will looks at my mom, and they share one of those silent, meaning-packed looks that couples who know each other well can communicate with.
“That would be great,” Will says.
It takes me only a few seconds of watching Apollo’s broad back retreating to the patio door with Will in tow to miss his warmth and heat and the certainty I feel when I’m around him. I step back from my mom, suddenly feeling awkward and not so confident.
I’m extra nervous now, and I’m sure it shows, but my mom ignores it. She takes my hand, which makes my heart leap around in my chest like a frog going mad in there, and leads me to the couch.
“I really do love that you live in a mushroom,” she tells me. “I remember Apollo. He was a sweet boy—one of the sweetest. I’m so happy you stayed friends all these years, and now you’re together. That’s an amazing story. The best love story.”
No matter how painful it is or how much it sucks, I have to correct her. I want her to know the truth, so I tell her everything, starting with when she left. I don’t hold back on my feelings, but I do let her know that I realize it wasn’t her fault. I watch as her face goes white and then florid and flushed, and then as tears start streaming down her cheeks. My eyes aren’t dry, either. I don’t think there’s a dry spot on my face at all. I tell her everything about Dad’s feud, the poker game, Apollo saving me, how mad I was at him for being just another person who left, and how I didn’t want to forgive him even when he was the one who came back and offered me everything. I didn’t want to forgive him until I almost lost him, and how horrible that was on my part when it took something like that to get me to open my eyes. I talk way too long, and I briefly wonder what Apollo and Will are finding to do in the backyard. Bitty Kitty must have followed them out because she’s not in here. Maybe they’re hunting bugs with her. She loves that.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” Mom says, stroking a strand of my hair back behind my ear when I’m done. My face is dry and crusty from all the tears, and it literally feels like my skin could crack from that salt bath.
“Don’t be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about,” I reassure her.
“I’m sorry you were hurt. I knew you would have been. That’s why I tried so desperately to reach you. I’m sorry I was the one who left,” Mom says softly.
“You shouldn’t have to stay in a marriage you were unhappy in.”
“Your dad and I…” She sighs, and it’s such a painful sound. “We were in love at one point, but we tried to break up before we got married. I tried to tell him I wasn’t in love with him anymore, but he cried and spent all night convincing me to give us another chance. I thought maybe things could work and that maybe it was just me who needed to work on myself. I don’t know. For a while, it did. And I thought I was happy. But then we got married, and I just felt…trapped. You were a surprise, honey, and you were the very best surprise. You were always the best part of my life, and I tried so hard after you were born. I tried and tried to make it work because I wanted to be a family. I wanted you to have a mom and dad who were together, but I just couldn’t do it. I was selfish, but—”
“You’re not selfish for having to leave to make sure you’re okay. Your mental health is important too. I can’t imagine being in a relationship for years and years and the guilt that leaving would cause but also suffocating to death, going insane, and being so desperately unhappy and unfilled on the inside.” Actually, I can imagine.
They were entirely different circumstances, but what I was doing back home, working for my dad, staying for my dad, not going to college, and not having dreams of my own…it wasn’t living. That was being scared to live. I felt guilty, too, thinking about him all alone. I wasn’t brave enough to leave until that poker game took me away.