Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 97466 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 487(@200wpm)___ 390(@250wpm)___ 325(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97466 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 487(@200wpm)___ 390(@250wpm)___ 325(@300wpm)
Oscar came back holding Frank in his hands. “Sorry. I, uh… I realized I hadn’t told Frank we were home.” He climbed back onto the bed and sat even closer to me than before. He set Frank in his lap so I could reach out and stroke him. “It’s definitely not that I needed an emotional support hedgehog for the conversation we’re about to have.”
“No, of course,” I agreed solemnly, while on the inside, I was rejoicing at the very idea that we were going to have a conversation. “I’d never think that.”
His lips twitched, and he darted a quick glance at my eyes before focusing on Frank again. “Right. So, you know my dad left,” he began. “But what you don’t know, because it’s too embarrassing to admit, is that he left because he was embarrassed by me. I was different. Sarcastic and opinionated, but not in the way he liked. I cared about fashion and music, money and opportunity. He wanted a son who cared about working with his hands and enjoying a good football game on the weekend. Someone who fit in… when all I did was stand out.” He held up a hand. “And before you tell me I couldn’t possibly have been the reason he left, I assure you I was. You can ask my mom. She couldn’t hide it, even though she wanted to. He made her choose between him and me. She picked me.”
I leaned closer until our arms were pressed together from elbow to shoulder. “Smart woman. She got you out of the deal, and then she got Birch too.”
Oscar nodded slowly. “Birch is so much better for her. He worships the ground she walks on. That was never the case with my dad. But here’s the thing. I don’t want to fuck it up for her again. And if I try to horn in on what she has with Birch and the Flower Family…” He shrugged.
I didn’t roll my eyes, but part of me wanted to. Instead, I remembered this was a little boy’s fear talking. A little boy who’d been judged and found lacking by the man who was supposed to put him above all others.
And even if things didn’t work out for Oscar and me by New Year’s, I needed him to know there were other people in the world who loved him too.
“I can understand that,” I began. Oscar nodded and curled his hands around Frank. “But, baby… they’re begging for you to let go and let them in. You’re not too much or too little for them. They already consider you a critical piece of their family—it’s clear they think the puzzle isn’t complete when you’re not there, the same way it is with Basil living in Iceland, only you’re actually right here. They want your company, your humor, your opinions. Marigold wants you to cut up with her. Lily wants you to think she’s a good mother. Jasmine wants you to meet her friends and talk about art with her. Sage wants to commiserate with you about being one of the single ones who gets set up all the time. You’re not ‘horning in’ on anything, Oscar Overton. There’s a space right there waiting for you and your funny, sarcastic, hedgehog-prickly self to fill it.”
He pushed past the grip I had on his face to bury it in the side of my neck. I gently removed Frank from his hands and set him in the little hedgehog basket on the bedside table so I could hold Oscar tightly without hurting either one of them. His body shuddered as he sucked in a breath, clearly trying to keep his strong emotions from escaping.
“Jesus, fuck, Oscar,” I finally said, shaking him a little in my grip. “It’s okay to feel things, for god’s sake!”
He pulled back and crushed his mouth to mine.
And then he let all his feelings out, only he did it through touch, through taste, through sharp nips of his teeth and bruising presses of his fingers. He begged me to fuck him, hard, and he thanked me for it with slow, languid kisses long after I’d made him come.
I knew better than to bring it up, to speak of these raw emotions again so soon after his intense reaction, so we settled in for an afternoon and evening binge-watching a new show we’d been anticipating. And we let ourselves and each other begin to accept the new, temporary normal.
Together.
Because even though the detonation cord had been lit, it would take exactly forty-six days for it to reach the gunpowder waiting for it at the end, and while the small flame made its way toward its goal, it would sizzle and spark…
And burn white-hot all the way to the end.
19
OSCAR
After Hugh spent the night at my apartment, we fell into a habit of fake dating more easily than I cared to admit. Unlike the days when Hugh and I hadn’t been speaking, which had dragged no matter how busy I tried to make myself, the remainder of November and most of December passed in a blur of work and cozy evenings, shopping and holiday preparations, Saturdays filled with family events and quiet, rainy Sundays on the couch.