Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 79020 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 395(@200wpm)___ 316(@250wpm)___ 263(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79020 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 395(@200wpm)___ 316(@250wpm)___ 263(@300wpm)
"To a place you only know about?" I say jokingly.
He shakes his head. "Just the opposite. If I know where you are, I'll end up going to you. I wouldn't be able to help myself."
I pull in a deep breath as I meet his eyes.
"I can't even guarantee that not knowing where you are in the beginning would keep me from looking for and finding you."
"Sounds like you have it really bad," I say, taking a chance on something emotional, knowing he's not really the type to admit to such things despite what his actions are already telling me.
The man has confessed he'd go to the ends of the earth to protect me, that he'd plow over anyone that got in his way. Billy couldn't even be bothered to meet for dinner when I'd call and tell him I had to work late. The comparison is vast, the two men are starkly different in the way they care for me.
His throat works on a swallow, and I try not to feel insulted when he doesn't look happy about the way he feels, and it's one more thing I have to take into consideration in my decision.
"What does it look like if I stay?"
He looks around the room as if the answers are something tangible he can pull from the air, but then his shoulders lift.
"I don't know. I wouldn't want you working at the bar. I'd like it if you lived here with me. We'll fight and probably often over your safety. You'll probably feel smothered. I know for a fact that it'll end up being more than you can even picture despite all that I'm telling you. Work will pull me away. You'll be in the house with other agents because that's just how the organization works. A space of our own isn't anywhere in the near future."
"Will you have to get close to other women the way you did me?"
"Fuck no," he growls. "I have to have a different approach, but work would take me away for days or weeks at a time. I can't sit by the phone and answer it every time it rings because it compromises my cover. You'll be lonely at times. That much I can guarantee."
"Sounds intense."
"I'm asking you for a lifelong commitment," he says, curling a finger under my chin so I'm looking into his eyes.
This makes me pause. We aren't talking about playing house and seeing how it turns out, and I can only imagine what it's taking for him to make these confessions. He's always so closed off and quiet, always angry looking as if he's just waiting for the next disappointment in life to kick him in the gut.
"It's a lot to think about," I tell him, knowing this is going to be the biggest decision of my life. "I can't make that decision right now."
He nods as if he knows I won't be able to stay like he thinks I'm just putting off the inevitable.
"Can I have some space while I think?"
He stands from the bed, pulling me to my feet, but instead of leaving the room, he holds my hand and guides me from the room to another door.
"This room is yours for as long as you need it," he says, shoving open the door and revealing a room that's not much different from his.
Then he walks out, leaving me to think about how one choice will change my entire life.
Chapter 37
Hemlock
Knowing she has to walk downstairs to leave, I don't feel too anxious leaving her in that room alone.
As much as I would've liked her to just jump in my arms and insist on spending the rest of her life with me, I know that could end up backfiring. I need her to really think about what she wants rather than making a hasty decision now because I wouldn't survive her leaving later. It would already be nearly impossible to watch her go if that's the choice she makes right now.
Three pairs of eyes lock on me as I enter the kitchen, and I know each of them probably wants an explanation or to know what happened between the two of us, but I'm not as willing to share my personal business as Kincaid and Hound might be. I completely understand the Band of Brothers thing, but I never really got the urge to talk about myself, and today will be no different.
Hound chuckles and shakes his head when I walk toward the refrigerator without a word.
"We get nothing?"
I grab a bottle of water before turning to face them.
"I left New Mexico for a reason," I remind him before looking at Kincaid. "No offense."
"None taken," he says with that familiar easy smile.
The conversation we had earlier went from me wanting to crawl back to New Mexico because of how I feel about Zara to him offering me the presidential position here in Tennessee because this is a better fit for me. Needing to still have that connection to the club made the choice very simple for me. I'm not exactly sure what leading this branch of the organization entails, but I'm willing to work as hard as I have to to be successful here.