Holding Onto Forever Read Online Heidi McLaughlin

Categories Genre: College, New Adult, Romance, Sports, Young Adult Tags Authors:
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Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 86321 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 432(@200wpm)___ 345(@250wpm)___ 288(@300wpm)
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“Has Xander said when you’ll no longer need the walker?”

She shakes her head. “Nope. I can use a cane, sometimes. It’s mostly when I’m walking from my room to the bathroom. Quinn bought me this because he thought he was being funny, but I actually like it because it affords me the ability to leave the house, although I’m not much for hanging out in public lately.”

“Me neither.”

“No? I thought for sure with the town getting ready for your wedding, you’d be loving every minute of it.”

I step in front of her, halting her progression down the field. “What if I tell you I don’t want to get married?”

“Then don’t,” she says as if calling off the wedding would be the easiest thing to do.

“Give me a reason, Peyton.”

She shakes her head slowly. “I can’t. I won’t. She’s pregnant. She wins.”

“Was it a competition? Am I missing something?”

Peyton sighs and shifts so she can sit down. “It wasn’t for me because I was waiting. I thought, someday you’ll see me and realize… well, I don’t know what because the morning after prom I was set to tell you how I felt, but yeah you took me to the cliffs and the last thing I wanted to hear was how you thought being with me was a mistake, so I went on about school even though I was so afraid to start and to be alone. I had this grand plan in my mind, which went swirling down the drain.

“Then you met Dessie. She wasn’t your first girlfriend, but I had a feeling that anything I had hoped for was gone and I accepted it. I’m young, and you’re playing professional football. The chips were stacked against us. But Dessie…”

I get down on my knees so we’re eye level. “What is it, Peyton?”

She looks off into the distance and shakes her head. My fingers touch the softness of her face, pulling her chin toward me. “Tell me,” I plead.

“She doesn’t like me and never has, which wouldn’t be a concern, but she gloats. She sends me messages. They’re not kind. I should’ve blocked her number, but I never did.”

“What kind of messages?”

“Trivial stuff, Noah. Pictures of you guys together, with you sleeping next to each other. Stupid comments about my age. How I’d never have you. After a tough game, she’d send me a picture of you and her together. I knew about your engagement because she told me. Like I said, I should’ve blocked her, but I didn’t. The messages were sporadic, at best.”

I stand up and step away from Peyton, running my hand through my hair. I never gave Dessie Peyton’s number, which means she went through my phone to get it.

“Peyton, I’m sorry. I had no idea.”

She shrugs and offers me a thin-lipped smile. “I think I’m ready to go home.”

I nod and head toward the fifty-yard line and start cleaning up. When I look down the field, Peyton is trying to pick up as many footballs as she can. I watch her as if she’s some type of enigma. Everything within me is screaming to pick Peyton, but I can’t leave my child. I can’t stomach the idea of my son or daughter going from house to house on weekends and holidays, living off some schedule, instead of being a kid who gets to enjoy life. I know others do it and do so successfully, but I don’t see Dessie and I being amicable.

What I do see is Peyton, the woman I’m in love with, stepping aside. What does that say about me? She’s the one that’ll make me happy and I’m letting her go – right into the hands of another man. I’m not stupid. Kyle Zimmerman is waiting in the wings for her. He’d be a fool not to.

After the equipment is all put away, I load Peyton back into the truck. The drive back to her house is done in silence. Anything I have to say is going to sound stupid. I screwed up. I should’ve been more selfish when she was eighteen, maybe then things would be different.

At her house, I make sure she’s situated before leaving. With my hand on the doorknob, I turn and look at her. “Are you in love with me?” I ask her.

“I am, but it’ll fade with time.”

“Tell me not to marry her, Peyton.”

She shakes her head. “I can’t, Noah.”

I nod and let myself out. The cab of my truck smells like her. I keep my windows rolled up so I can breathe her in and remember this one day because I have a feeling it’ll be years until we have another one like it.

When I get back to my parents’, I head into my bedroom and find Dessie’s purse on the bed. I sit next to it, with my hand itching to go through her phone. I shouldn’t, it’s an invasion of privacy, but she must have done it to me, it’s the only way she could get Peyton’s number.


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