Total pages in book: 129
Estimated words: 119158 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 596(@200wpm)___ 477(@250wpm)___ 397(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 119158 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 596(@200wpm)___ 477(@250wpm)___ 397(@300wpm)
Well, when this author fell off a bridge thanks to flipping a magic coin, I woke up in the one place I didn't want to be—my own unfinished novel.
Now I'm trying to untangle this twisted plot, put the hero back on track to finding his brother's killer, and getting his happily ever after.
All while not dying at the hands of orcs, ogres, humans, elves, and just about anyone else I run into.
Maybe if I clean up this mess, I'll be able to go home.
Except that going home sounds less appealing the longer I'm around Prince Nylian.
Crap! Am I falling for the hero too?
I Destroy the Elf Prince's Harem is a stand-alone novel within the Fortune Favors the Fae collection and follows the adventures of one poor author as he stumbles his way through his own novel and just maybe falls in love with the hero. Along the way he will encounter elves, humans, ogres, a wizard-in-training who's really bad at magic, jealousy, possessiveness, political intrigue, secrets, and a prince who has eyes for just one man. Unfortunately, that one man is as blind as a bat when it comes to love.
*************FULL BOOK START HERE*************
Chapter 1
The Part Where I Died
What a fucking mess.
There are very obvious and important reasons introverts don’t have a lot of friends, and among those reasons is that it can get you killed.
Not that I thought my friends would kill me.
Or even intended for me to die.
But, well…that was what happened.
So, before we even begin, let me just put a warning out there to any of my fellow authors and scribblers who might read this: Don’t leave the house. Really. Don’t do it.
I was behind on my latest book. Weeks behind. And that was not a good thing when I was supposed to be releasing new chapters every day as part of an online serial called Betrayal of the Elf Prince. The only thing keeping me sane was that I had worked ahead of my daily release schedule. That way, if I wanted to take a night off or caught a cold, I’d be able to take a break without skipping a posting day.
But now I was posting new chapters the same day I wrote them, and there was zero wiggle room for me to take a day off without risking the ire of my voracious readers. These people were paying my bills, and they were depending on me to deliver their daily dose of adrenaline and dopamine. What kind of dealer would I be if I didn’t deliver on time?
Of course, Betrayal of the Elf Prince started out strong, with Prince Xeran getting tangled up in court intrigue, killing his twin brother, and going on a long quest that would result in him gaining an enormous harem as he climbed back from his exile to take the throne.
Except I wasn’t smart enough to plot anything out ahead of time. I was writing this book by the seat of my pants. My writing muse had possessed me as words flew from my fingertips and the keyboard clattered in my one-bedroom apartment. I was existing on ramen, coffee, and snack cakes. None of that mattered because the book was surging out of me.
The only problem was that the river of words had eventually dried up.
Where the hell was I going with this book? Sure, Prince Xeran was the “hero” of the book, but was he a good guy? Or was I plotting to put a villain on the throne? Who had really killed his twin brother? And who was at the core of this tangled plot I’d created? Another sibling? A rival kingdom? Someone in his harem playing the long con?
I had no fucking clue.
So, the words stopped cold.
And the longer the words stayed frozen in my brain, the greater my panic became.
I reached out to my friend Georgie to bitch and moan about the mess I’d created. Of course, Georgie cackled at me, being the loving, supportive friend that she was.
It might also have been because I’d run my mouth a few months earlier, saying that she had it easier because she was a romance author, and how hard could it be to write sex?
Yeah, we won’t be talking about how my first sex scene of this grand harem adventure story I was writing sounded like assembly instructions for an Ikea bookshelf.
I’d since eaten crow, apologized for being a pompous ass, and graciously accepted some brutal critiques from her on how to write sex properly.
In the meantime, Georgie’s answer to all my problems was to get out of the house.
Georgie: Go outside.
Me: Ewwwww…
Georgie: Fresh air and a walk will get your brain working again. Staring at your computer screen isn’t fixing shit.