Total pages in book: 128
Estimated words: 124494 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 622(@200wpm)___ 498(@250wpm)___ 415(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 124494 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 622(@200wpm)___ 498(@250wpm)___ 415(@300wpm)
She dashes away her tears. “I’m embarrassed.”
“You don’t need to be. Everyone understands that this is hard,” I assure her.
“We love you, Fee. And we know this is a struggle,” Lexi adds.
“Lexi! Can you help me make my bed?” Callie calls.
I squeeze her hand, gauging what she needs from me. “I can go if you want, or I can talk to Fee. It’s up to you.”
“You stay with Fee. I’ll help Callie.” Lexi kisses the edge of my jaw and leaves me.
“Can I come in?” I ask.
Fee lifts a shoulder and swipes at her tears again. I grab the tissues from her nightstand, set the box beside her, and sit down on the closet floor across from her. “When Peggy first moved in with me, she used to hide in her closet. Scared the crap out of me when she fell asleep in a pile of stuffed animals and I couldn’t find her for twenty minutes.”
“I’m sorry if I scared you and Lexi.”
“I had a solid idea where you were. My phone gets an alert when someone enters or leaves this place, so I knew you couldn’t have gone far.”
“Is Callie okay?” She sniffles and picks at a loose thread on the sleeve of her sweatshirt.
“She’s all right. Lexi has it handled. I want you to know that I understand how hard this is. You’ve lost a lot in the past couple of years, and so much has changed in a very short time. You’re going to have some big feelings about that. But it’s important that you talk about those feelings. It doesn’t have to be to me, or Lexi. You can talk to your friends, and Peggy can be a great sounding board. She’s had a lot of experience dealing with me, and while her mom is still alive, she can relate to how hard this all is.”
“Her mom lives in California, right?”
“For now she does. They move a lot. Which is why Peggy came to live with me when she was six. It was tough for her and her mom, but it was best for Peggy. She needed a home base, and Zara couldn’t give that to her,” I explain.
“Why not?”
“Because Zara needs frequent change. Some kids can roll with it. Peggy wasn’t one of those kids. It took her over a year to really settle in with me. She was so used to moving every few months. She didn’t trust the stability at first.”
“Oh. I didn’t realize that.” She dabs at her eyes with a tissue. “It’s not that I don’t want to live here with you, or that I don’t like you.” She bites the inside of her cheek. “But I just got used to living with Lexi, and now Callie and I have to get used to living with you. And I feel bad because it’s so nice here, and I know you’re trying hard, and you’re such a good dad, but I miss my dad.” She sucks in a shuddering breath.
It’s a pain I’m familiar with and I want to give her hope that it will get easier. That even though these deep wounds leave real scars, they hurt less with time. “I know you do, kiddo. I get it. I lost my dad more than a decade ago, and it still hurts. I still miss him. But you’re not betraying his memory or your love for him and your mom by allowing yourself to find the joy in this new life, either.”
She lifts her head, eyes wide. “That’s it. That’s what’s so hard. Because this is such a nice place, and I really like you, Roman, and I love my sister, but I feel like I’m not supposed to like it as much as I do. Everyone on the Terror is so kind, and it feels like this big family I’ve never really had before.”
None of them have, I realize. Especially not Lexi. I want this for them, for us. To have this tight knit group who will love and support them. “It’s tough, isn’t it? Wanting to embrace it, but feeling like you shouldn’t?”
She nods.
“I have a tendency to overdo it. I just want to be enough, you know? And I want to be loved like everyone else. When Peggy was young, I wanted to make up for the years that were hard for her, and for the fact that she couldn’t be with her mom.”
“Peggy adores you. Everyone does,” Fee says.
“I don’t want to lose that, though. So I overcompensate. I understand that it can be hard to trust that this won’t disappear on you, but as unconventional as we are, we’re a family, Fee. We don’t bail on each other. Even when it’s hard, we’ll stand by each other, okay?”
“Okay.” Her bottom lip trembles.
“You want a hug?” I offer.
“Yeah.”
I extend a hand and pull her to her feet, then wrap her in my arms. “We’ll get through this. That’s what families do.”