Total pages in book: 69
Estimated words: 65083 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 325(@200wpm)___ 260(@250wpm)___ 217(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 65083 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 325(@200wpm)___ 260(@250wpm)___ 217(@300wpm)
I go cold at that warning, but I try not to let it show. “I’ll be careful,” I promise, because it’s the only thing I can say.
We arrive back at Belle Epoque, and I tell Mom good night once we’re inside. I’m tempted to try to find Thorn at the restaurant, but I know I’d only be a distraction from his work. Back in my room, I decide it’s time for another bath to soak the tension out of my neck and shoulders.
I’ve gotten myself a bath pillow, and it cradles my head while I recline in the steamy warmth. I get so relaxed that I doze off for a few minutes, until the water cools. Climbing out, I dry off, get into my pajamas, and crawl under the covers.
And there, I finally let myself face the implications of everything my mother said.
I meant what I said to her about it being okay for me to be less organized—a little, not a lot. But am I involved with the men as some sort of overcorrection? A phase I’m going through before I come back to the center?
The thought turns my stomach. I know my men mean more to me than that; I’ve spent weeks appreciating the unique qualities in each of them that I cherish. The thought that I’m just using them … no.
Will they hurt me? Not intentionally. I know it will hurt the day I have to let go of my fantasy world, and I can’t escape the feeling that that day is much closer now than it was even this morning. But these men will never treat me the way my father treated my mother.
Of course, it’s not as if I’m married to them. None of us have made any promises to each other. There’s an understanding that this unconventional situationship won’t carry on forever, but it’s getting harder and harder to label it all as casual.
And when it all ends, will we all still be friends?
LEXY
I finally drift off to a sleep filled with uneasy dreams that gradually become more clear after I wake up and move through my morning routine.
Kai was in my dreams, seeming moody and conflicted and ready to combust, which, after some time for reflection, I realize is how he appeared yesterday at Thanksgiving. It’s not unusual for him to be temperamental, but he wasn’t happy yesterday, not like he’s been when it’s the two of us alone.
And Mrs. Sanchez was in my dreams, too, sitting me down at her dining room table and telling me how wrong it is for me to be dating her sons. She was both angry and sad, and at some point, my own mother appeared at the table, giving me the same message, and I had the overwhelming feeling that I was letting everyone down, the men included.
My body feels heavy as I style my hair. I’m weighed down by reality, fully aware that I’ve been avoiding it.
The thought keeps nagging at me that what the four of us are doing could be deeply troubling to Kai and Thorn’s parents, and I couldn’t live with myself knowing I’ve disrupted the tight bonds the family shares. Maybe the situation is already causing problems, and that’s what had Kai upset yesterday.
I’ll have a talk with him as soon as I can, but today is my mom’s last day in town, and she and I are going shopping, our annual Black Friday tradition, Vegas style this year at the shops at Caesar’s Palace.
I pick her up at her room, we have breakfast in the café, and then I drive us over to the Strip. I’m relieved that my mom seems to be in a good mood, untroubled by our conversation yesterday.
Even though, thankfully, she isn’t bringing up my men today, it doesn’t matter, because my head is constantly filled with thoughts of them. I should be getting in a festive mood with all the winter holiday decorations that surround us, including a huge Christmas tree in the Forum Shops, but all of it leaves me cold.
And as the day goes on, the two of us shouldering through the crowds and not finding any bargains at all, I find myself thinking that it’s probably time to start making exit plans, not just from the crowded mall with all of its artificial opulence, but from the town itself.
I’ve been having fun here, but everyone knows that a visit to fantasyland doesn’t last forever.
On Saturday, after sending my mom off on an early flight, I decide to go into the office. Clare isn’t expecting me, but it’s not uncommon to come in on Saturdays in my line of work, and I’m happy to keep busy.
There are a couple of new inquiries to respond to and other emails to answer, and while I attend to all of that, in the back of my mind, I start to think about who would replace me when I leave.