Total pages in book: 70
Estimated words: 66863 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 334(@200wpm)___ 267(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66863 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 334(@200wpm)___ 267(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
I opened my mouth but, before I could reply, he said, “Don’t lie.”
“I can’t.” I shook my head and he dropped his hand. I missed the contact instantly. My skin tingled where he’d held me. “I don’t know.”
“See?” he asked. “You told the truth. You said you don’t know. You won’t always have all the answers, Jared, no one does. But you were a very good boy because you admitted that, rather than saying no.”
I nodded as a jolt rushed through my body and I trembled. Good boy. I had been Kieran’s good boy and it made my body come alive in ways I tried to deny. It made me feel like too much electricity was running through my body, making it hard to sit still.
“Tell me some of the things you’ve liked about what we’ve done, and what you read about.”
There were so many things I liked, so many ideas that turned me on and I knew I wouldn’t have the courage to tell him all of them. I closed my eyes, wondering how we got here. Wondering what the fuck was going on in my head. But then I looked at him, into his crystal-blue eyes and I found that I couldn’t ignore what he’d told me. I couldn’t deny him an answer, because I felt as though it would be denying myself. There was a connection between us, this pull I felt to Kieran, that I couldn’t deny if I wanted to. “The schedules, as I’ve said. Knowing what to do when…it helps with the noise.” I’d never admitted that to anyone before. Never told anyone about the noise in my head that sometimes overwhelmed me when I wasn’t sure what to do. When I was afraid to get it wrong. Now, I’d told him twice.
“How far do you think that goes? Your need for power exchange?”
“I don’t know.” That answer wasn’t easy for me to give. It stuck to my tongue.
“That’s fine. You’re doing good. We’ll figure it out together. What else?”
“When it comes to sex…I don’t want any of the control there. I crave domination.” I don’t know why but the sex part of it was easier for me to admit than the other. “The discipline. Spankings. I’m not sure on anything outside of a hand though. Floggers, whips or paddles…I’m not sure. They’re a maybe.” It was so hard to understand it all, to know what I wanted. To know what wasn’t enough or what was too far.
“They have their place,” he replied.
I opened my mouth to reply but he spoke first. “If you don’t want it, that’s okay. We’ll leave that as a maybe, as you said. Why don’t you tell me what else you’re not into, then?”
“Age play, same as you. I don’t want to pretend I’m a child, even if there’s nothing sexual going on while I’m at play. Spitting and slapping. Watersports.” My eyes darted away. “Scat. I don’t know about humiliation. Who would want to be called names or to be humiliated? No one can really want that.”
“Why not? Because society says we shouldn’t? Because someone decided it’s wrong or dirty or morally corrupt?” Kieran asked. “Did any of it get your dick hard? Did it calm you? What if you had my cock in your mouth and I said you were a good little slut? That you were my own personal cock-sucking whore?”
Gooseflesh raced down my arms. My dick throbbed as blood pumped to it.
“Your cheeks are flushed.” He reached out and fingered my short, brown hair. “It’s okay to want that, Jared. It’s okay to aspire to be Daddy’s perfect little slut.”
Was it? I shook my head. Was it truly okay?
“It’s okay to want all of this. To need it. That doesn’t make you weak. Those who don’t have the capacity to understand it? They’re weak. And not because they don’t need it. There’s nothing wrong with not needing it, but what makes them weak is that they can’t understand it. Because it’s wrong to them, that’s where the trouble comes in—when someone decides what’s wrong or dirty for someone else. There’s nothing wrong with this, Jared. Nothing dirty about it. It’s who we are.”
I looked at him, my eyes meeting his, and wondered if he could read my dark-brown irises. He seemed to have a connection to my brain, sometimes knowing what I thought before I did. “How do you know it’s who I am? Maybe this…” I waved my hands around. “Maybe all of this has been a fluke.”
“Maybe.” He shrugged. “There’s only one way to find out, and that’s by doing it. Stand up,” he told me.
No. No, no, no, no.
But I did it. My legs shook as I stood. Kieran pushed his chair back and away from the table. He turned so he faced me. “Do you want to get on your knees for Daddy?”