Total pages in book: 146
Estimated words: 147801 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 739(@200wpm)___ 591(@250wpm)___ 493(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 147801 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 739(@200wpm)___ 591(@250wpm)___ 493(@300wpm)
My hands are shaking uncontrollably.
My hands have never shook before. Not when I held Gilbert underwater. Not when Mr. Laurent died before my eyes. Not even when I killed David in cold blood.
But now, I can’t stop the trembling, not after I felt the sticky liquid against my fingers.
It was warm, but now it’s cold.
Because it’s no longer inside him.
It’s on me. My hands. My chest. My jeans. Everywhere but in him.
I grab onto the sink in the hospital’s bathroom and turn on the faucet, then scrub at the blood, harshly, incessantly, until I’m sure I’ll scrub the fucking skin off.
A flicker of fear slams into my throat and widens the void as I watch his blood diluting and trickling down the drain.
What if… What if that’s the last time I touch him?
No.
I squeeze my eyes shut and breathe deeply. Inhale. Slow exhale. Count to ten like he always tells me to do when my thoughts spiral.
My lips quiver, and my eyes sting with unshed tears.
If…if he’s not there anymore, who’s going to keep my twisted personality in check? Who’s going to pull me back down when I get too high? When the impulses grow too deep?
Who’s going to fill the void and carry me to my white room?
The white room is closed now, locked. Not even bloodied like it used to be. I don’t have access to it anymore, because Kayden has the keys. And Kayden is fighting for his life on a surgeon’s table
For six hours now.
Six hours I spent staring at his blood on my palms until Simone brought me a shirt and told me maybe I should go wash up.
I didn’t want to, but if I stayed there one more minute, I’d barge in there and threaten the doctors to save him. And I don’t think that’s a good idea.
I open my eyes and pause as I stare at my reflection in the mirror. I reach a trembling finger to the streak of red on my cheek. From when he last touched me, wiped my cheek before he lost consciousness.
The pads of my fingers burn when touching the dry streaks of blood, and I jerk my hand away, refusing to wipe off his last imprint.
No, it can’t be his last.
It won’t be.
I refuse to think he’d just…leave me.
If he does, I’ll follow him.
If he thinks death will make him escape me, he has no idea how far my madness can reach.
I step out of the bathroom, pulling out my phone. It’s time to stop wallowing in desperate scenarios and make myself useful.
My first phone call is to my aunt. She picks up despite the time and assures me that she’ll try everything in her might.
The subject of my second call picks up after a few rings. Vaughn’s groggy voice greets me. “G? It’s three in the fucking morning, man.”
“I need your help.”
“Hold on.” There’s shuffling on his end before I hear footsteps and a door closing. “I’m listening,” he says, his voice now entirely sober.
I stare at the cracks in the hospital tiles, tightening my grip on the phone. “Not sure if you figured it out by now, but we’ve been talking on Reddit.”
He groans. “Did you have to shatter the illusion?”
“Kind of. He’s dying, V.” My voice catches, and I have to bite my lower lip to keep from breaking.
I’ve always been friends with Jer and Niko. Maya and Mia, too. Vaughn as well, but I’ve kept them all at arm’s length, never allowing any of them to get too close or see inside me.
But talking to V anonymously allowed me freedom and a sense of companionship and friendship I didn’t know I needed.
I was always a loner anyway. Even in a group, I was alone. Even when laughing and talking and being surrounded by people, my outer layer kept me in a bubble. One that Kayden snuck into, and I want to keep him there.
In my bubble.
Not outside or on an operating table or bleeding out.
But V is actually the first person whose friendship I appreciate. The one who listened to me bitch the entire time and kind of did the same about Yulian.
“Fuck, man.” He releases a long breath. “What can I do?”
“I already called Aunt Rai, but I want to double my efforts. Kayden…” My voice chokes on his name and I exhale slowly. “That’s his name. Kayden. He’s become a target of this stupid-ass organization because of me. Because he’s with…me. And I want to kill his brother and all of them, but Simone and Jethro tell me that would be hard and I’d become a target and so would Kayden if he…” survives.
I can’t say it.
The words taste like acid, burning my throat and boiling in my veins.
“He will.” Vaughn’s voice comes out calm and steady. “From what you told me, he’d never leave you, right?”