Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 98023 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 490(@200wpm)___ 392(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98023 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 490(@200wpm)___ 392(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
He snorts. “Ah, yes, you have complex mathematical equations and the whole difficult mental challenge of trying to solve all of the mysteries of the universe too.”
I shake my head and look down at my plate, willing myself to keep my mouth shut. Just because my little brother is instigating doesn’t mean I have to be reactionary. I have lots of things in my life that he doesn’t know about—that practically no one knows about.
I run Dickson University’s underground secret society, Computare Caterva, for one, and as soon as I finished my run of my dissertation test app, I was going to start planning for tomorrow night’s event at Dragon Stadium. We’ve expanded to seventy-five members now—due in large part to Ace Kelly, a family friend and fellow Dickson student, who invites people as if secrecy is just a suggestion—and pulling off each gathering is getting harder and harder.
Not only that, but I’ve had boyfriends. I’ve had sex. I haven’t experimented with drugs or alcohol, but that’s more because of my fear of feeling out of control than anything else.
Milestone-wise, I’d say I’m just about on freaking schedule for a woman my age.
“You don’t know everything that’s going on in my life,” I settle for arguing. “None of you does.”
My mom’s face saddens a little, though she does her best to cover it. She’s been fighting for me since the moment I was born through a myriad of huge happenings, including my biological dad leaving when I was just a baby, my being diagnosed on the autism spectrum, and through a rigorous, accelerated academic schedule. And in return, I’ve given her little more emotional connection than a muskrat. And secrets. Lots of secrets.
Winnie Winslow Lancaster deserves better. Especially from her only daughter.
I don’t want to be cold or self-involved or numb to others—all of which I could appear so easily without exercising diligence not to be. Intellectually, I’m advanced, but my social skills and understanding of emotions could always use work.
I clear my throat, picking at the napkin in my lap to distract myself from the burn of awareness in my lungs. “But maybe you’re right, Wes. I’ll take what you’ve said into consideration and try to expand my horizons.”
“Really?” His face lights up, and even my parents’ eyes lift with optimism.
Great. It’s going to be hard to deny all their hopeful faces now.
“Really. I’ll make an effort,” I promise, though I’m not entirely sure what that means yet.
Maybe it starts with this dinner—keeping my head out of academia long enough to genuinely connect with them. Maybe it’s learning to say yes to things more often, even when it feels uncomfortable. Maybe it’s being willing to change.
I don’t have the answers, but for them, I’m willing to try to figure it out—even if it means being wrong a lot more often.
Saturday, May 17th
Blake
The lights are off, the halls eerily quiet as I tiptoe through Dickson University’s Dragon Stadium. Each step echoes, even though I’m moving as softly as I can, and behind me, Julia Brooks and Ace Kelly follow hand in hand, completely oblivious—as usual—to how ridiculously perfect they are for each other.
They’re both a year younger than me, soon-to-be sophomores, and when I first met Ace last fall, Julia wasn’t far behind. Honestly, I thought they were a couple, and it didn’t take long to figure out so did everyone else on campus. But they’ve insisted time and time again that they’ve been best friends since childhood, nothing more.
Still, the way they’re constantly attached at the hip tells an entirely different story, and I’m always wondering when one of them is going to realize the truth.
The navy blue of the concrete walls makes the already dark space seem even darker, and I try to get a look at their faces to see how they’re feeling about being here, but seeing anything clearly is impossible. I turn forward again, hustling through the maze of pathways that’ll take us to the field.
At the beginning of the year, Ace, Julia, Finn Hayes, Scottie Bardeaux, and I became fast friends, getting into more than our fair share of excitement and trouble. Fights, firsts, parties, and laughter filled our time, until it all changed in April. When Scottie—our good friend and a star Dickson cheerleader—suffered a devastating spinal injury at a competition in Daytona, our group tightened even more, every ounce of our focus shifting to supporting her as she adjusted to the new reality of her paralysis.
For the past month, that focus has been our entire world.
But with spring semester winding down and Scottie adjusting remarkably well—thanks in large part to Finn’s unwavering support—it finally feels like we can breathe again. Tonight, Finn and Scottie are spending time with their families, officially a couple again, as they’re so obviously meant to be. That means Ace, Julia, and I finally feel okay to let loose for the first time in a while.