Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 98023 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 490(@200wpm)___ 392(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98023 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 490(@200wpm)___ 392(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
“Oh, nothing,” I answer, clearing my throat and putting my phone back on the table facedown. “But I think the bigger question is, why are you here? You never come over to Ferris.”
“It’s the homestretch, Lex. I have exactly one week to finish my thesis or else I can kiss my doctorate goodbye. And I guess I needed a little change of pace.”
I tilt my head to the side. “Finish it? As in, you’re still working on it?”
“Not all of us are übergeniuses, you know,” he retorts with a smile as he sits down across from me.
“You got a perfect score on your SAT, Connor.” I snort. “And you’re currently in one of the hardest engineering doctorate programs in the country. You’re smart.”
“But I’m not Lexi smart.”
I roll my eyes, and he just laughs.
I’ve known Connor for what feels like my whole life. He was my first boyfriend when I was thirteen, and we were in a relationship for most of my high school career. He’s always been a good friend and a challenging academic partner. But as he starts to open his laptop and dive into whatever he needs to achieve today, I can’t stop myself from asking him the one question that rolls around inside my head.
“What was it like to date me?”
His head jerks back, and his eyes snap to mine. “Excuse me?”
“What was it like to date me?” I repeat.
He searches my eyes carefully. “You want me to tell you what it was like for me to have you as my girlfriend?”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“It was uh…fine,” he answers. But his voice wavers a little as he adds, “It was good.”
I’ve never been good at catching social cues—it’s always a huge challenge for me—but there’s something in the way his voice sounds that makes me feel like he’s not giving me an honest answer.
“Are you telling me the truth?”
Connor just stares at me.
“Connor, did you just lie to me?”
“Shit.” He lets out a confusing laugh. “I mean, yeah, I guess I did a little.”
I narrow my eyes.
“I mean…” He pauses and runs a hand through his hair. “I mean… Do you really want me to answer your question honestly?”
“I wouldn’t ask it if I didn’t want an accurate answer. I wouldn’t waste that time.”
He searches my eyes for a long moment, but eventually, he lets out a deep exhale and says, “It wasn’t easy, Lex. I really liked you, and you hurt me pretty badly. You were my first girlfriend, and I think I loved you back then. And when you broke up with me, it was like, one day, you just decided it was done. No real reason. No emotions. Just done. It took me a while to get over you.”
“But you said you were fine with being friends after… Why would you want to be my friend if I hurt you?”
“I don’t know. I just did,” he responds with a shrug. “I guess I thought, deep down, you might eventually want to be my girlfriend again, but when that didn’t happen, I decided to make the best of it. Now, I’m happy I did that. I love the friendship we have. You’ll always be important to me.”
All this time, I never really thought about what Connor felt during or after our relationship. I didn’t know until now that I’d hurt him because I never even considered the possibility. And man, does that suck.
“I’m…sorry, Connor,” I apologize. “I’m really sorry I hurt you.”
“It’s okay, Lex,” he says with a smile and a laugh. “While I do appreciate the apology, that’s way in the past. We’re good, okay?”
I nod.
“Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to put my AirPods in and get to work.” He flashes a wink in my direction and does just that.
I, on the other hand, am the human form of stagnation—at least, I am bodily. A cataclysmic event is hard at work in my mind. The fact that I hurt someone I really do care about and didn’t even realize it isn’t an easy pill to swallow, and it isn’t the first time I’ve had to try. My mom, my little brother, my stepdad, my dad—I’ve hurt them all at one time or another, just by being me.
And I’ve most definitely hurt Blake. With the way he looked when I told him to leave my apartment on Friday, I know I have. Unlike with Connor, I knew right then.
And I did it anyway.
I don’t like the adjectives I’d use to describe a person who would do that. And I don’t want to hurt him any more than I already have.
So, I do the one thing I do have control over.
Me: Blake, I really enjoyed what we had over this summer. I’ve had a lot of fun with you. I care about you. But our paths are not aligned. You have football and college, and I’m getting ready to head into the real world and start my career. I think it’s time we both move on.