Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 90672 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 453(@200wpm)___ 363(@250wpm)___ 302(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90672 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 453(@200wpm)___ 363(@250wpm)___ 302(@300wpm)
“Luke?”
“Sorry, I’m not feeling very good.”
“Is this about Alexei seeing us?”
“Huh? No. I—I’m feeling a little lightheaded.”
I assess his face. He looks pale. And though he’s saying it’s not about Alexei, considering the timing, I wonder if he’s struggling with being out to his friend before he was ready.
“Here, let’s get you some water.” I lead him to the kitchen and grab two bottles, then take him to a room upstairs. “We can lie down in here.”
“I think the guy whose room this is might mind.”
“Preston’s his name. And I found him in the bushes near the dorms one morning after a party, naked, and lent him clothes so he could get back to the frat in one piece, so he owes me. Just lie down. You look like you’re about to be sick.”
Luke takes a seat on the edge of the bed and drinks a sip of water. “Sorry. I was having a good time. I didn’t mean to fuck it up.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about. And you didn’t fuck anything up.”
I sit beside him as he takes a few breaths. Finally, he says, “It’s so dumb. It’s why I shouldn’t have come out tonight.”
“What do you mean?”
He closes his eyes and says, “I was really enjoying dancing with you. Like really enjoying it, and I got lost in the moment, and then when we stopped and you stepped away, this memory fucking hit me. I mean, I’ve thought about it plenty, especially today, but it was so vivid. I couldn’t push it back. And then I felt so fucking guilty for enjoying myself.”
“Guilty?”
“Mom and Dad were big on holidays. At Halloween, we’d spend time decorating the house and making cookies. They made a game of figuring out what costumes we’d wear when we went trick-or-treating. We’d watch scary movies together.” He chuckles. “Nothing really scary, mostly black-and-white movies. Anyway, I was just thinking how it’s not the same without them.”
I notice a tear stirring in his eye, and he turns away from me.
“Fuck, Luke. That’s why you didn’t want to come out tonight.”
He nods.
“I’m such an asshole.”
“No,” he says, resting his hand on my thigh. “I wanted to come. I thought it could be fun, and it was…until I fucked it up.”
I rest my hand on top of his. “I don’t think that counts as you fucking it up, Straight Boy.”
He snickers at his nickname, and I’m glad because I was hoping to ease some of this weight he’s carrying.
“I appreciate your sharing that with me, Luke. I wish I’d been more considerate and asked why you didn’t want to come.”
“No way you could have guessed that.”
“Maybe you’re right. I’m glad to hear both your parents were so involved in your childhood, though. My mom was great. Dad…not so much.”
“Your dad didn’t do anything with you for Halloween?”
I chuckle, but as soon as I do, I realize how fucked up it is to be amused at the thought of him giving that many shits about me. I shake my head. “Let’s not talk about my bullshit for now. This is about you.”
He turns to me, his gaze boring into mine, as though he can see my deepest, darkest secrets. Instinctively, I look away.
“What is it?” he asks, assuring me he hasn’t seen this darkness within me. “Brad?”
Luke’s ruminations on his past have activated mine, and I find myself sifting through memories I prefer to keep buried…and regrets I couldn’t bury if I tried. Luke would hate me if he saw this side of me. He would see me for the selfish coward I really am.
But as he sits here, being so vulnerable with me, all I want is to protect him. From me.
Maybe it’s my conscience or this connection between us, but even wishing I could keep the words down, they slip past my lips. “You might have guessed from what I told you already that Dad’s a controlling man. He was that way with my mom. Kept her like a doll. She was one of those people who believed you were supposed to make a marriage work, no matter how hard. He wasn’t physically abusive. Just a dick. Both Mom and I knew when he was coming home late that he was seeing someone else. How fucked up is it that a child knows his dad is cheating on his mom?
“When I was eight, she’d finally had enough and called him out on it. She wanted a divorce…and so he made her life a living hell. Dad was the one with the money, so he dragged her through it. Incredible, the case a rich man can make with lawyers who are experts at redactions and objections and filing bullshit motions to get the opposition to run out of cash. Mom wound up in a mental-health facility, that’s how bad it was, and he won sole custody.”