Total pages in book: 42
Estimated words: 39161 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 196(@200wpm)___ 157(@250wpm)___ 131(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 39161 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 196(@200wpm)___ 157(@250wpm)___ 131(@300wpm)
“That’s it, honey. Scream my name. Let me know who you belong to.”
“Only you, Jax,” my voice came out breathy and desperate as his teeth grazed my nipple. He chuckled against my skin, sending shivers down my spine. “I belong to you.”
Lifting his head, he grinned at me with those wickedly beautiful eyes of his. “I’ll never tire of hearing that,” he murmured, pressing a firm kiss to my collarbone. “And so you know and understand, I belong to you, too.”
That made me smile, and a satisfying contentment began to bloom inside my chest. This was where I was meant to be all along. It took time to make the journey. Now that I was here, I wasn’t letting a moment pass by without appreciating what I’d found.
Jax moved his hands down to the waist of my shorts, his fingers caressing my skin over my hips and upper thighs as he slid them off. He sat up to pull them over my feet and toss them to the floor before lying back on top of me once again. A wave of nervous anticipation washed over me. I’d been exposed in front of him before, but not like this.
My illness had left scars from surgeries and chemo ports. But knowing there were scars on my body and actually seeing them were two different things. What if he… didn’t want the reminder?
“Honey, whatever you’re thinking, stop.” Jax didn’t sound angry or impatient. In fact, he smiled at me as he stroked my hair. My breasts were mashed against his chest now, like I’d wanted a few moments ago, but the thought he might not like what he saw when he looked at my naked body, no matter how briefly, had me doubting myself. And him.
“I’m sorry.” I was afraid the tears were gonna start again and did my best to blink them back.
“Why are you sorry.” It was phrased as a demand instead of a question. An order to be obeyed.
“I have scars. You know. From the cancer.”
“Battle scars. Yep.” He gave me a look that said, “And?”
“It was hard. What we went through. And I include you in that because you were the one I always clung to. You saw the very worst of it all. As much or more than my mother sometimes. You were barely an adult. I’m sure you don’t want the reminder of it every time you see me.”
Jax looked at me for a long time. I thought maybe I’d broken the mood, but I could feel his erection through his jeans. He was still hard and didn’t seem to be flagging. “That’s not it.” His confident tone grated on my ears. I hated it when he pulled that superior act. Like he knew me better than I knew myself.
“Is so.” I stuck my chin up defiantly.
Jax chuckled softly, that tender expression still on his face even though he was still as intense as ever. “OK, so let me rephrase. That’s not all it is.”
“Have I ever told you how annoying you are?” My irritation might have been more convincing if I hadn’t been clinging to his arms.
“Every chance you get.” He gave me another brief but tender kiss. “Now, tell me what else is bothering you.”
I closed my eyes, taking a breath before meeting his gaze once more. “My cancer already came back once. Blade said there was a possibility it could recur again. Could you go through all that again with me? Because, if you can’t, you need to tell me now.”
It was Jax’s turn to sigh. I could almost feel the disappointment radiating from him. “Honey. I’m sorry I haven’t made it clear to you. I guess I thought you’d know. No matter what happens, I’m always going to be with you. If you get sick again, I’ll be with you every step of the way. Face it, Holly. You’re stuck with me. As long as I’m alive. You’re stuck with me.”
He held my gaze, really staring at me. I could see the truth in his eyes. “You really would, wouldn’t you?” I know I sounded a bit starstruck, but honestly. Jax was my hero, as well as my only love.
“Yes. I really would.”
“Also, I don’t want to have kids.” I couldn’t stop myself from blurting that out. He needed to know this, though. It affected his future as much as it did mine.
“Sweetheart, if you don’t want to have kids, I’m good with that. Could you tell me why? It’s your body and with everything you’ve already been through I could understand if that’s why you made your decision.”
“Partly, but not really. It’s the specter of the cancer coming back. I know that there are studies showing pregnancy hormones can sometimes stimulate cancer growth or even revive dormant cancer cells that didn’t completely die. I don’t want to die, Jax. While it’s selfish on my part, I also don’t want to leave my child without his mother. I’m not sure I could do chemo knowing I was pregnant, and I don’t think I’d want to get an abortion. So, my options would be to do the chemo regardless of the risk to a fetus or hold off on the chemo until after the baby’s born. Which would likely be a death sentence. If my cancer comes back. I’d rather adopt or foster. It’s considerably lower risk all the way around and I could still have children.” I ducked my head. “But that’s all unfair to you. So I get it if you can’t do this. Just tell me now.”