Total pages in book: 69
Estimated words: 62430 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 312(@200wpm)___ 250(@250wpm)___ 208(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 62430 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 312(@200wpm)___ 250(@250wpm)___ 208(@300wpm)
“Happy to,” Mr. Matthews said.
I relaxed. Good old Mr. Matthews was going to spend his Saturday driving to Nashville to help me out. I realized I was going to have to work extra hard when I got back to make up for all the kindness he was showing me. I was going to have to pick up as many extra shifts as I could. And maybe, just maybe, I could fit in dinner or a movie with Gina, if I played my cards right.
She came to find me right before dinner Saturday evening. “I’m off in five minutes.” I thought it was sweet how she kept me updated about her comings and goings. Without any of the traditional dating rituals, just letting me know when she was going off shift was enough to communicate that she cared.
“Say hi to Evil for me.” I smiled. “Let her know I’m just waiting for her instructions.”
Gina laughed. “I will definitely not tell her that. You don’t want her to get any ideas.”
I nodded. This was potentially one of our last conversations, and I wanted to make it count. “Your dad came by to see me today.”
“Oh? How did that go?”
“He’s really kind,” I admitted. “He’s gonna do everything he can to help me, and I’m not gonna let him down.”
“He’s a good man. I didn’t always see that and I gave him a run for his money when I was a teenager, but I’m glad you’ve got him in your corner,” she said. I felt bolstered by the slight glimpse of her personal life she was sharing.
“He says there’s a big order coming up from a construction company that’s building a few houses. I’ll be right in time to help them fill that.” I was just saying words, anything to lengthen the time spent in her company.
She played along, her clipboard at her side, watching me carefully. We transitioned into an awkward silence, and neither of us could fill the gap. I wanted to ask her about her plans for the night, about what shampoo she used, and how long it took to comb her hair. But none of those things was appropriate. The last thing I wanted to do was freak her out when I was so close to being available. So, I held my tongue and couldn’t come up with anything better to say.
“Well, I…” she began, searching my eyes for a lifeline.
I didn’t have one, because I was falling fast. “You better go. It’s gonna rain.”
“Is it?” she asked, as if that were the most interesting thing in the world.
“Yeah, the forecast said rain tonight.”
“Then I should go,” she agreed.
“Be safe,” I said, wishing I could touch her.
She waved a hand in the air, as if communicating through a glass wall. I let her go, watching as long as I could without crossing into creeper territory. I followed her movements as she crossed the common area to the nurses’ station, then turned my back. I deliberately hid out in the game room until I was sure she had gone. I only had one more day with her before I was discharged, and I was determined to make it count.
Sean was going to be in charge of my follow-up. He would call every day in the beginning, just to make sure I was on the right path. After a few weeks, he would scale back until he was doing weekly and then monthly check-ins. If I remained sober for two years, they would officially close my file, and I would be done.
I was required to talk about my feelings in group therapy. I started with “anxious to get out of here and eat some real food” and moved on to “worried that I might run into my dealer.” It was all true. As much as I wanted to look like a real man in front of Gina, I was scared to death of a relapse.
“I guess what I’m most scared of is being by myself,” I said, standing beside my chair as the rest of the patients sat in circle around me. “I mean, I don’t have a real great opinion of myself, so what’s to stop me from going back?”
“And what is the answer to that question?” the therapist prodded gently.
“I have my crisis plan,” I said.
“That’s right,” she approved.
“And get to a meeting,” one of the other group members said.
“Yeah.” I knew all that.
I knew it in my brain, but what would happen when I went home and found myself without the structure of the treatment center? Would I really be able to fight the demons at two in the morning? Could I turn my life around and continue on the path to wellness, or was I destined to fail? Then I thought of Gina, and a surge of determination gripped me. I was going to do it, if only for the opportunity to see her again.