Total pages in book: 141
Estimated words: 141251 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 706(@200wpm)___ 565(@250wpm)___ 471(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 141251 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 706(@200wpm)___ 565(@250wpm)___ 471(@300wpm)
She lets out a shocked chuckle. “Are you joking me?”
“I wish.”
“Oh God.” She pauses for a moment. “What the hell did you do?”
I close my eyes, because it’s mortifying to say it out loud. “I told him his pajamas were cutie patootie pajamas.”
She bursts out laughing. “What? Cutie Patootie? Who says cutie patootie?”
I find myself smiling. She’s right, this really is unbelievable. “And then I dry humped his fridge and started licking scotch off my fingers or something. After that, I came on to him.”
“Jesus. You must be hanging for it.” She thinks for a moment. “Did you have sex?”
I cringe. “No, idiot! He hates me.”
“Oh, bullshit. He was probably loving every minute of it. There isn’t a man alive who could watch you dry hump a fridge and not get aroused.”
“You’re not helping!”
“Did you ask him to have sex?”
I scowl and wrinkle my nose. What if I did? “I can’t stay here. I’m so embarrassed, you have no idea.”
“Well, what did he say to you?”
“He told me off using all these intelligent words I hardly understood, and then he said that I should stick to the position I applied for because the hooker position in his bed, on my back, isn’t available.”
She stays silent.
“Are you still there?” I snap.
“Yeah, the hooker in his bed bit threw me. That’s a kind of hot thing to say, you know? Do you reckon he has hookers in his bed for real?”
“No!” I shriek. “He’s probably fucking gay. Get me out of here!”
“Calm down. We’ll find you another job. Just hang in there for another week or two. Anyway, doesn’t he go away this week?”
“Yeah, on Wednesday.”
“Well then, you won’t even see him.”
“I wish I went home with those two guys last night. I bet I would feel less of a slut than I do now.” I sigh.
“If you did go you home with those two guys last night, they would have taken turns fucking your ass all night, and we would be in emergency right now getting it sewn back together.”
I wince at the thought. “Oh God. Can you imagine?”
“Just suck it up for a few weeks until we find you another job. Take the kids out today, do something fun and outdoorsy so that he doesn’t think you are staying at home, nursing a hangover.”
“Yeah, that’s a good idea.” I wonder where I could take them?
“Look, he’s been drunk before, surely. Nobody is that perfect.”
“I honestly doubt it. He stays home and studies his thesaurus.”
She giggles. “Just behave yourself until we find you another job.”
I roll my eyes. “Fine.” I shake my head. “But if you ever buy me another cocktail, I’m tipping it over your head.”
She laughs, and I hang up.
I sit for a moment as I process her words, knowing she’s right. I can’t fuck this whole thing up until I get another job.
Which brings me to my next problem: the kids. I march up into the house with renewed determination, and I find them both on the sofa, lazing like sloths with their phones in their faces. “Let’s go out for the day.”
“Pass,” Willow sighs without looking up.
I lift my chin to stare at the ceiling, and I suck in a breath. Please, God, give me the strength to deal with her today. I don’t want to add a murder to my list of misdemeanors.
“It’s a beautiful day, so we’re going outdoors. You can pick the activity,” I announce.
Sammy frowns as he thinks. “We could play golf like Dad does?”
“Hmm. I don’t think your father would appreciate us annoying him.”
“No, Dad has gone far away to play golf. He told me so. We could just play at the country club down the road.”
“We don’t have any golf clubs. What else could we do?” I say.
“We have golf clubs. We can use Dad’s old ones that are in the garage,” Sam replies.
Hmm, I don’t feel like driving around. Unless…
I glance over at the phone constantly attached to Willow’s palm. “Willow, you could drive the golf buggy.”
Her eyes lift to mine. “Really? You would let me drive?”
“Of course, why not?”
She sits up, her excitement stirring.
“I could make us a picnic, we could play some music on our phones, and we could enjoy an afternoon out in the sun.”
Willow bites her bottom lip. She can’t show me she’s excited, that would go against her game plan. “I suppose I could do that… for Sam, I mean,” she eventually agrees. For Sam. Obviously.
I smile and place my hands on my hips. “Well, we just have to wait for a few hours.” I can’t tell them we have to wait until the alcohol has left my system. “But once we’re ready, we’ll go and have fun.”
“Woohoo!” Sammy squeals as he punches the air.
I frown. “What do you wear to play golf in London?”
“Collared shirts,” Willow replies as she takes off upstairs.